Batch Bitch

Naomi is no longer horny for the bachelor but luckily Abbie is here to help. Danielle and Naomi discuss this week's happenings in the show, as well as photoshop, pyramid schemes, how shit the races (and AFL) are and, of course, Tazo. Also, the girls in the house roast another girl for being short and Naomi takes it personally. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Naomi and Danielle discuss the first 2 episodes of the new season of the Bachelor, that’s right, we’re back to OG format. Naomi is horny and Danielle doesn’t really remember what happened because she was monkey footin on instagram.  See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Naomi and Danielle discuss this seasons contestants one by one in preparation for the first episode of the bachelor. Also the first 10 minutes or so is just about Glee again (SORRY) then obviously we talk Monkey footin, then finally the women we will soon love. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Naomi and Danielle completely switch vibes. Good for Naomi. Bad for Danielle. They talk about getting NAKED in PUBLIC and also the new promos for The Bachelor 2019!!! And... you hate to see it... Glee does come up See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Danielle and Naomi talk 90 day fiancé, laser hair removal, Glee (obviously) and ask each other some questions on personal habits (courtesy of Bethany from GirlDefined). Also, Naomi explains anal glands to Danielle, something even she cannot stomach.Note: Comedian Bri Williams would like to clarify that "every dog is different" but it is the opinion of the podcast that she is doing this to appease dog owners like Naomi who are insane and take actual animal facts as personal attacks. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Naomi and Danielle discuss the first 2 episodes of TV show ‘Are you the one?’, Naomi is in a jealous rage because Danielle has made a new friend (Controlling much?!) Danielle is clearly the Heidi to Naomis Mike.  See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Naomi and Danielle have a look at some promo for the new season of The Bachelor AU and talk about our new bachelor whose name I honestly have forgotten now. And we only recorded this like an hour ago. Matt? Andrew? Something like that. We also find out that Naomi is not smart at all actually, and pay tribute to the great Anh Do. Please don't cyber bully Alex Lilly after listening to this - it's not her fault that JK Rowling ruined her brain. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Naomi and Danielle continue asking each other Bethanys questions, there are a lot of raised voices this episode. Also I’m truly sorry for the intro music this week, I could only play about 7 seconds of it at the start but if you do want to listen to it the full version is at the end. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Bachelor in Paradise is over and Naomi and Danielle are free for now. The girls ask each other some of the 136 questions suggested by Bethany of Girl Defined. Strangely, they end up further from God than ever (but closer to each other). See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

A quote from this weeks episode by Naomi ‘If my female friend did this to me it would be so funny, if a man did this to me I would punch them win the face’ See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Sorry for the huge delay on this one. We both got deathly sick and were also both away. It's not our fault!! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Naomi and Danielle discuss how many times you can use the same tissue in this riveting episode of your FAVOURITE podcast!!! I (Danielle) apologise to you now for my disgusting cough, so sorry. We cancel Jules, you already know we cancel Ivan. We have a heated argument over who Naomi thinks Wesley looks like (she is wrong), we do not argue over who Mac looks like because his lookalike is 100% a twin or a cloning experiment. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Nah, us either. Naomi and Danielle float the idea of doing a podcast from the one and only dog park, and Danielle is finally cancelled with the help of her boyfriend. Danielle really runs past Naomi in this episode to be the biggest man hater of the pod and, coincidentally, is labelled the woke queen of the pod. Naomi feels fine about it. I said it's fine okay? Stop looking at me See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Finally MAFS is over and Paradise is here!! Naomi and Danielle are very happy to see their favourites back! (Brittany and Vanessa Sunshine) Of course we have to cancel some people and Danielle cancels Naomi. Naomi admits the only reason she came to Danielle’s Comedy festival show was to be recognised by podcast fans, I’m (Danielle) putting this in the bio so you know to not ‘recognise’ Naomi, do NOT feed her ego!!!!  See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Naomi and Danielle have really done their best to make it this far. They'd like to thank their loyal listeners, and they'd like to denounce anyone involved in the making of Married At First Sight Australia - Channel 9, the producers, the experts, the cast, the crew, the advertisers, anyone who actually watched the show (including Naomi and Danielle) and anyone else who encouraged this in any way. We did it. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

It’s nearly over! FINALLY! In this episode Naomi and Danielle recap the last week although we’re both so tired of the show we forgot to talk about Mike’s poem, which was absolutely written by a 10 year old child who does not know how to write a poem. Heidi deserves better. We plan the perfect dates for our partners and a leaf blower briefly interrupts the riveting conversation. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Mike continues to be awful and Jess continues to be awful and everyone cries. Danielle and particularly Naomi are struggling a lot but apparently there is only one more week left. Naomi tells Danielle about the time she made out with a reality show contestant. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

In this episode, Naomi and Danielle have hit a wall. You can tell because they start the show with low energy and then descent into madness. John Aiken has to go, seriously, he is gaslighting Heidi, He is cancelled. Susie's dad needs no producing. What are the bases? Is there an apocalypse soon? See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Naomi and Danielle are very tired. The show is awful. Maybe one of these couples will actually end up together, MAYBE. What is the point of this kind of entertainment? To give us consumerist little piggies some people to feed on while we go about our largely meaningless lives? Someone to stare at like an exhibit and say "at least I'm better than that". Who is happy? Not the contestants. Not us. Only Channel Nine and the advertisers who catch us in our brief gasps for air mid-show to sell us things we don't need. Things that they promise will make us happy but ultimately never do. We are like the contestants on this show, looking to 'experts' to tell us what we need when the whole thing is obviously futile and the 'experts' are a bunch of middle aged men who will interrupt us to tell us our problems are our own fault, and not the fault of the white supremacist capitalist patriarchy we are forced to live in.Twitter: @batchbitchpod Instagram: @batchbitchpod Facebook: www.facebook.com/batchpodcast&

In this episode, Naomi and Danielle are angry at the producers for thinking Australia is that dumb. We don’t buy it. Also, no, we don’t think Cyrell should have gotten physical. BUT. She is a victim and we love our precious angel. Also Dan is a dog. Mike is a dog. John is a dog. Jess has been produced to seem like a dog.Twitter: @batchbitchpod Instagram: @batchbitchpod Facebook: www.facebook.com/batchpodcast email: batchpodcast@gmail.comMusic:Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/  See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.