School Of Schlock

What do you do when a monster from space is threatening Japan? Why, you send in Tom, Ryan, and the most adorable kaiju you can find to take care of it! We review this family-friendly, super 70s Japanese monster film, and along the way get into discussions about theme songs, marvel at the artistic might of Toho, and put on our worst Boston accentsfor a boardroom presentation. Ride along with us on our exploding aerobikes as we review Daigoro vs Goliath! Episode Time Stamps 0:03:00 - Film Summary 0:34:05 - Film Background 0:47:46 - The Good 0:51:58 - The Bad 0:58:20 - The Ugly 1:07:42 - Improving the Film

Special guest Brian joins Tom and Ryan to talk about another 1970s horror cheese-fest that includes Sam Elliott, miscellaneous amphibians, and a whole lot of clumsy deaths. The discussion naturally veers to such topics as the coloration of film credits, largemouth bass making dolphin noises, and Ted, the failed creature wrangler. Nothing will get in the way of your special day if you listen in to our review of Frogs! Episode Time Stamps   0:05:00 - Film Summary   0:41:03 - Film Background    1:02:20 - The Good 1:11:38 - The Bad 1:22:55 - The Ugly   1:34:40 - Improving the Film

Special guest Lacey joins Tom and Ryan to discuss an early 60s beach-party horror musical that's somewhat lacking in beaches, music, or horror. Along the way they try to determine what words are okay to use on the Internet, whether fish-creatures qualify as zombies, and what needs to happen to turn Eulabelle into the greatest film protagonist of all time. Join us as we zombie stomp our way through The Horror of Party Beach! Don't forget the sodium! (Also guest starring Sammy Terry.)     Episode Time Stamps   0:02:30 - Film Summary   0:28:43 - Film Background    0:47:30 - The Good   0:58:05 - The Bad   1:14:32 - The Ugly   1:33:40 - Improving the Film

Special guest Claude joins us for an XL-sized episode that's chock-full of talk about a weird, Lynchian zombie film from the 1970s. Along the way we tackle such important questions as: When will video games stop using audio diaries? What do you do if you're being watched by Lee Harvey Oswald? Is Howard the Duck a scarier horror movie than this film? And is it okay to knit while going to the theater? All of this, plus so much more in our rundown of Messiah of Evil! We may be ugly old men, but we're harmless!     Episode Time Stamps   0:06:45 - Film Summary   1:11:55 - Film Background    1:38:00 - The Good, The Bad, The Ugly, and More   2:08:15 - Improving the Film

Special guest Raven joins us from Fantom Comics in D.C. to talk about a movie that misses the mark when it comes to blockbuster superhero action. Listen in as we talk about car theft, diners that house secret bases, and a President willing to kick some ass in the name of environmentalism. Raven also helps us try to reconcile this film's plot with the actual backstory of the comic book characters it depicts. If you're wondering "do they succeed?" my answer is: Is the Red Skull Italian? Find out in our discussion of the 1990 cheesefest, Captain America!     Episode Time Stamps   0:04:46 - Film Summary   0:44:10 - Film Background    1:00:40 - The Good   1:11:20 - The Bad   1:28:55 - The Ugly   1:44:55 - Improving the Film

Special guest Spencer joins us from "High and Low: A Kurosawa Podcast" to discuss what is most assuredly NOT a Kurosawa film: a cheaply made chopsocky kung fu film from Taiwan. Join us as we answer the most pressing questions about this movie, such as: which costumes would RuPaul wear? Does the film meet the criteria for Six Degrees of Wu-Tang? And is this all really an allegory for a Chinese restaurant in Arizona? Don't wait nineteen years to find out! Listen to our review of Return of the Kung Fu Dragon!     Episode Time Stamps   0:05:48 - Film Summary   0:40:29 - Film Background    0:48:43 - The Good   1:00:10 - The Bad   1:16:06 - The Ugly   1:26:29 - Improving the Film

The Master would approve of this very special one year anniversary episode as Tom and Ryan tackle a cult classic and one of the worst films of all time, Manos: The Hands of Fate! Come listen to the story of how Manos came to be and find out exactly why this film is so terrible in every regard. Our one piece of advice? Never make a bet with a fertilizer salesman.     Episode Time Stamps   0:05:04 - Film Summary   0:21:20 - Film Background    0:50:12 - The Good   0:53:14 - The Bad   1:06:55 - The Ugly   1:27:00 - Improving the Film

A mirror-wearing monster from the future is on the loose in central Florida! Or at least it is for the last 15 minutes of this 1958 piece of sci-fi dreck. Before that, Tom and Ryan have to sit through reverse-carbon-dating, selfish scientists, air-headed secretaries, peeping toms, and tons of wasted potential in Terror from the Year 5000! At least Tom learns a little something about Avatar: The Last Airbender and how much Ryan loves the M. Night Shyamalan film adaptation.     Episode Time Stamps   0:04:35 - Film Summary   0:30:20 - Film Background    0:49:52 - The Good   0:58:14 - The Bad   1:12:06 - The Ugly   1:30:30 - Improving the Film

Who do you call when earthquakes are threatening to destroy the planet? Apparently you call some bland seismologists and a whole bunch of stock footage, if this Fred F. Sears snooze-fest is to be believed. Join Tom and Ryan as they watch a film about falling rocks, women abandoning successful careers to get married, and a whole lot of Element 112. Try to contain your violent reactions as we review The Night the World Exploded!     Episode Time Stamps   0:03:50 - Film Summary   0:24:44 - Film Background    0:41:51 - The Good   0:53:30 - The Bad   1:06:38 - The Ugly   1:20:00 - Improving the Film

The name "Sidney Pink" elicits reactions from nearly everyone; those reactions usually include "Huh?" "Who's that?" and "What are you talking about?" That's why we're on the second film in our Sidney Pink block: Journey to the Seventh Planet! Come listen to Tom and Ryan discuss one-eyed ferrets, imaginary women (and the men who love them), and of course petty, sentient brain-creatures! Join us and I'm sure you'll agree: we'll find our love somewhere beyond the seventh planet.     Episode Time Stamps   0:03:17 - Film Summary   0:25:31 - Film Background    0:40:02 - The Good   0:44:28 - The Bad   1:00:15 - The Ugly   1:15:05 - Improving the Film

Icons of Danish culture include Hamlet, Hans Christian Andersen, and Soren Kierkegaard. Well finally, Tom and Ryan are happy to welcome a giant prehistoric reptile to the ranks of Danish superstardom in a 1960s monster movie that comes straight from Scandinavia! Thrill as they discuss Danish amusement parks, Dustin Hoffman, aimless scientific experiments, and the worst example of farmer-eating ever! Whether you're taking in the film, the new MST3K episode, or the smutty novelization, you're sure to enjoy Reptilicus!     Episode Time Stamps   0:02:47 - Film Summary   0:33:19 - Film Background    0:58:28 - The Good   1:06:24 - The Bad   1:21:26 - The Ugly   1:36:31 - Improving the Film

A rogue pilot and a mystical lightsaber-wielding warrior team up to fight against a planet-sized, galaxy-threatening evil! No, it's not A New Hope. And no, it's not The Force Awakens. It's a film that's more like the ADD-diagnosed version of Star Wars. It's a film with omniscient characters, Southwestern robots, and David Hasselhoff. It's a film that stops the flow of time. It's...Starcrash!     Episode Time Stamps   0:03:00 - Film Summary   0:32:43 - Film Background    0:58:45 - The Good   1:03:30 - The Bad   1:08:55 - The Ugly   1:38:31 - Improving the Film

When people from the 1980s get sucked into a transdimensional teleporter and wind up in another world, it's up to Tom and Ryan to watch them slowly try to escape! Will a balding warlord stand in their way? How does Battlestar Galactica relate to all of this? Would a Memento-like version of this film be better? And what about the watch??? We attempt to answer all of these questions when we discuss Prisoners of the Lost Universe!     Episode Time Stamps   0:03:14 - Film Summary   0:27:23 - Film Background    0:38:50 - The Good   0:46:20 - The Bad   1:02:32 - The Ugly   1:20:27 - Improving the Film

The Earth is about to be destroyed by a doomsday machine, and it's up to a few remaining humans to go into space to escape! It's also up to Tom and Ryan to suffer through this painfully dull film. Listen in as they discuss death via airlock, interplanetary narrators, and the best way to get your grandma out of the gulag. Keep Khrushchev on speed-dial, because we're talking about The Doomsday Machine!     Episode Time Stamps   0:03:17 - Film Summary   0:23:52 - Film Background    0:45:50 - The Good   0:50:05 - The Bad   1:04:10 - The Ugly   1:25:35 - Improving the Film

How does a sexploitation film stack up against our usual B-movie fare? What exactly does "nudie-cutie" mean? How common is it for men to transform into dogs? Tom and Ryan search for the answers to these questions and many more in Dr. Sex, a film about exactly what you would expect: mannequins, ghosts, and abstract art!     Episode Time Stamps   0:03:40 - Film Summary   0:21:07 - Film Background    0:41:38 - The Good   0:50:14 - The Bad   0:58:41 - The Ugly 1:20:25 - Improving the Film   1:26:55 - Email

It's the second film in our Roger Corman comedy-horror block! This time a vicious sea monster is out to kill some criminals smuggling Cuban treasure into the United States--and you thought the Bay of Pigs was bad! Put your ear to the door and listen as Tom and Ryan (alias: Ryan and Tom) dream of the Corman film factory, trade all of their utilities for Park Place, and learn how this film is linked to two Mission Impossible movies. You can't hear a thing through that door, can you?     Episode Time Stamps   0:02:39 - Film Summary   0:21:48 - Film Background    0:41:42 - The Good   0:53:47 - The Bad   1:05:00 - The Ugly   1:15:42 - Improving the Film

Could we have finally come across a movie we actually like? Is it possible there's a Roger Corman film out there that's actually pretty good? Listen in as Tom and Ryan order guava-and-wheat-germ pancakes, develop a Maxwell quote button, share their families' blood soup recipes, and speculate on whether Walter Paisley is actually Dr. Who. Repetition is death, and everything else is graham crackers, man.     Episode Time Stamps   0:04:48 - Film Summary   0:35:30 - Film Background    1:01:15 - The Good   1:19:38 - The Bad   1:32:15 - The Ugly   1:42:32 - Improving the Film   1:47:29 - Email

As we step into a new year of old B-movies, we take an episode to reflect on School of Schlock's 2016. Was Parole Violators the worst film that we watched this year, or did another film take the crown? Who was the worst character? What visual effects left us reeling, and what moment or line in a film left us the most nauseated? Find out in our first annual Schlocky Awards, where we crown the Worst of 2016 before we move forward to start fresh in 2017! Happy New Year!     Episode Time Stamps   0:01:25 - Schlockys Explanation and Film List   0:04:25 - Worst Character    0:31:12 - Worst Moment or Line   0:57:50 - Worst Visual   1:08:23 - Five Worst Films of the Year

It's our holiday episode, so of course that means lots of Santa Claus, lots of singing children, and also lots of scheming Martians! Listen in as Tom and Ryan discuss the relative intelligence of Santa, the relevance of former Nazi scientist Dr. Werner von Braun, and whether or not Santa is a benevolent ruler of his many puppet governments. Put on your robot costumes and polar bear suits, because it's time for Santa Claus Conquers the Martians!     Episode Time Stamps   0:02:30 - Film Summary   0:18:35 - Film Background    0:43:23 - The Good   0:56:25 - The Bad   1:08:33 - The Ugly   1:25:20 - Improving the Film

Once in a while in your B-movie travels, you come across a movie that's so awful in every regard that you wish you could throw its creators in jail. Well the makers of Parole Violators have violated their own movie-making parole by creating an action film so insipid, so utterly terrible, that it might rank with some of the worst movies of all time! Listen to Tom and Ryan as they discuss the suffering that is this film, rant about nepotism, poke holes in rafts, and get offended by bird comparisons. Hey, the film may be cold, but everything else is hot!     Episode Time Stamps     0:03:20 - Film Summary   0:46:20 - Film Background    0:54:02 - The Good   1:05:30 - The Bad   1:21:55 - The Ugly   1:39:15 - Improving the Film