School Of Schlock

Hot on the heels of our last family adventure film, it's...another family adventure movie? This time there's bayou kids facing down a Bigfoot-esque monster in the middle of a hurricane! Sound exciting? It isn't! Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about bayou accents, Gilligan's Island (and Planet), and a new competitor for worst song on the podcast. It's our review of Return to Boggy Creek!   Time stamps: 0:03:10 - Background 0:17:35 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:29:45 - Notable Scenes 0:34:50 - The Good 0:37:30 - The Bad 0:52:35 - The Ugly

Who doesn't love a good family adventure film--movies that are entertaining for whole family, packed with comedy, action, and drama? Sadly, that's not what we have here. Join Tom and Ryan as they watch kids surf and fight ninjas. We also talk about cotton candy, running gags, Leslie Nielsen, and answering machines! So grab a board and listen to our review of Surf Ninjas!   Time stamps: 0:03:20 - Background 0:23:40 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:28:40 - Notable Scenes 0:33:50 - The Good 0:41:55 - The Bad 1:01:20 - The Ugly

Happy Halloween! It's time for the creepiest, scariest thing in movies: remakes! Join Tom and Ryan as they sit down to watch a horror remake of the first movie they ever watched for this podcast! And of course there will be such relevant topics as John Waters, Lisa Loeb, zoetrope machines, and figuring out when a house just isn't a house. Keep your head and listen to our review of House on Haunted Hill (1999)!   Time stamps: 0:04:50 - Background 0:31:55 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:44:20 - Notable Scenes 0:53:30 - The Good 1:04:25 - The Bad 1:31:45 - The Ugly

Prophecies! Quests! Hunting for missing treasures! A day at the Renaissance Faire! This family-friendly medieval(?) adventure has it all! Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about the aforementioned RenFaires, Archimedes's No Girls Allowed policy, the duality of man, and of course Hotlantis. It's our review of Quest of the Delta Knights!   Time stamps: 0:05:00 - Background 0:23:50 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:36:10 - Notable Scenes 0:43:20 - The Good 0:50:15 - The Bad 1:05:05 - The Ugly

Take a crime drama, sprinkle in a little romance, and top with a noir sensibility, and what do you get? You get a dull 1950s also-ran that plods along with some second-rate Bogart impressions. Join Tom and Ryan as they talk all about this un-thrilling thriller, as well as tragic deaths, Writing Film Noir for Idiots, and disappointing child actors. It's our review of 1959's Counterplot!   Time stamps: 0:07:45 - Background 0:23:15 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:34:20 - Notable Scenes 0:40:30 - The Good 0:44:10 - The Bad 0:55:35 - The Ugly

Everyone remembers Twilight, the romance novels featuring vampires and werewolves and babies and other imaginary creatures. Well now, from the writer a Twilight, we have a teen romance sci-fi adventure that's all about bodies and minds! Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about a film with a stacked cast and crew, as well as important topics like the geometry of co-synchronous points, giant spider invasions, and the importance of library science and the tagging and archiving of data. Thrilling! It's our review of The Host (2013)!   Time stamps: 0:04:55 - Background 0:20:20 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:35:30 - Notable Scenes 0:52:00 - The Good 0:57:10 - The Bad 1:22:55 - The Ugly

We've already seen a Snowbeast from the 1970s, so what about a 2011 remake/spiritual successor? And why did someone decide this was a good idea in the first place? Join Tom and Ryan as they try to reason out this movie's existence, as well as talking on such topics as predator feeding behaviors, the use and abuse of horror tropes, and The Dukes of Hazzard! Snowboard your way down into our review of Snowbeast (2011)!   Time stamps: 0:04:45 - Background 0:18:50 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:31:25 - Notable Scenes 0:39:30 - The Good 0:46:10 - The Bad 1:04:20 - The Ugly

Most folks agree: natural disasters are some of the scariest disasters around! Unpredictable and almost impossible to stop, Mother Nature sometimes takes her anger out on humanity. So what happens when her wrath takes the form of bees? Join Tom and Ryan as they discuss bee science, Mission Impossible, powder-blue suits, and the helpfulness of Voodoo. We hope you'll swarm to our review of The Savage Bees!   Time stamps: 0:02:35 - Background 0:24:05 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:33:40 - Notable Scenes 0:40:05 - The Good 0:52:30 - The Bad 1:03:40 - The Ugly

What are you gonna do when you've got seven years in the slammer for a murder you didn't commit? Who will be there to help spring you from the joint? And what if that joint just so happens to be on a spaceship? These questions can only be answered by an exploitative 80s action film! Join Tom and Ryan as they mull these quandaries, as well as discussing underground metal bands, goofs on game shows, and Warhammer 40K! It's our intergalactic planetary discussion of Star Slammer!   Time stamps: 0:04:00 - Background 0:24:00 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:37:05 - Notable Scenes 0:46:15 - The Good 0:52:10 - The Bad 1:12:55 - The Ugly

To celebrate five glorious years of reviewing some of the worst films ever made, we are finally reviewing Tommy Wiseau's cult classic, a film so bad that it has become a mainstay of midnight screenings and has spawned countless memes online. Join Tom and Ryan as they subject themselves to this experience and talk about spoons, money-laundering, method-acting Olympians, and the perils of having friends. Tune in for our review of The Room! What a story, Mark!! Time stamps: 0:03:40 - Background 0:29:00 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:35:25 - A Special Note About "Good" Things in this Film 0:37:30 - Notable Scenes 0:45:35 - The Bad 0:58:10 - The Ugly

Everyone loves a good meeting! And whether it's Abbott and Costello Meet the Wolfman or the The Jetsons Meet the Flintstones, cinematic meetings also carry all the oomph and pizzazz of a work-related get-together. Join Tom and Ryan as they review and discuss one such meeting, as well as talking about putting capital over workers, bad line reads, and a hero who cries when someone disrespects the flag. All that and more can be found in our review of Frankenstein Meets the Space Monster!   Time stamps: 0:03:55 - Background 0:17:50 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:27:35 - Notable Scenes 0:39:00 - The Good 0:42:50 - The Bad 0:59:50 - The Ugly

Yub nub! Star Wars may conjur up images of epic battles, flying starships, and incredible Force powers, but it also brings to mind a group of cute, cuddly creatures: the Ewoks! Join Tom, Ryan, and special guest (and Star Wars expert) Greg to discuss one of the two Ewok-centered Star Wars movies. We also touch on related topics, like the Viet Cong, Lost, and Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer! So put down your skin gliders and listen in to our review of Caravan of Courage: An Ewok Adventure!   Time stamps: 0:04:20 - Background 0:40:25 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:45:10 - Notable Scenes 1:02:15 - The Good 1:12:35 - The Bad 1:29:50 - The Ugly

We've got another big fight on our hands! This time the combatants in this supernatural slugfest are an undead guardian of ancient treasures and a Frankensteinian cyborg! Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about epic fights, reused footage, forensic science, and getting rich via grave-robbing. It's our review of The Robot vs the Aztec Mummy!   Time stamps: 0:03:55 - Background 0:13:35 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:24:10 - Notable Scenes 0:28:40 - The Good 0:34:00 - The Bad 0:49:50 - The Ugly 0:56:00 - Listener Feedback

Zombification. Regeneration. Keeping parts alive after they've been severed from the body. These are some classic themes of the horror genre, and ideas that are all over this 1950s German flick. Join Tom and Ryan as they discuss horror tropes, German Expressionism, body-swapping, and nepotism in police departments! For at the head of all masterpieces of horror film review that you've ever heard, you must place our review of The Head! Time stamps: 0:02:55 - Background 0:12:20 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:27:55 - Notable Scenes 0:36:35 - The Good 0:45:25 - The Bad 1:01:30 - The Ugly

It's time to revisit the golden age of cinema for a 1940s comedy-adventure-horror! It's a movie that dares to make you laugh and tries to scare you with zombies and casual racism. Join Tom and Ryan as they discuss dated comedy, forgotten actors, and voodoo rituals (with a hint of druidic magic). Become one of the gang and listen to our review of King of the Zombies!   Time stamps: 0:07:20 - Background 0:30:20 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:38:20 - Notable Scenes 0:43:25 - The Good 0:48:55 - The Bad 0:55:05 - The Ugly

Let's travel back in time to when Hawaii wasn't a state and the Pacific Islands were mysterious to most (white) Americans! Two 1950s beefcakes are accused of murder and are stranded on a vaguely-Hawaiian island...what will they do to escape? Join Tom and Ryan as they discuss exploitation tourism, David Crosby, the Bahá'i Faith, and fingers pointing at maps. It's our review of the Roger Corman "classic," She-Gods of Shark Reef!   Time stamps: 0:06:05 - Background 0:17:40 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:22:40 - Notable Scenes 0:27:40 - The Good 0:32:45 - The Bad 0:42:30 - The Ugly

Iconic 80s action cinema is here! We finally take on a cult-classic that has become its own cultural touchstone with the immortal line: "There can be only one!" Listen in on the head-chopping action as Tom and Ryan discuss (anti-) climactic fights, votive candles, meta-humor, and Egyptian-Spanish-Scotsmen in Japan! It's our one-and-only review of The Highlander!   Time stamps: 0:03:20 - Background 0:18:05 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:32:55 - Notable Scenes 0:39:30 - The Good 0:44:40 - The Bad 1:01:15 - The Ugly

Nazis are all-time classic bad guys. Or at least all-time since World War 2. Regardless, everyone should be able to get behind destroying camps full of Nazi scum, and that's exactly what this corny action flick from 1987 indulges in! Join Tom and Ryan as they touch on relevant topics such as racism, James Bond, and Olympic volleyball players. Call over your best baboon sidekick and listen in to our review of The Order of the Black Eagle!   Time stamps: 0:03:20 - Background 0:18:05 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:32:55 - Notable Scenes 0:39:30 - The Good 0:44:40 - The Bad 1:01:15 - The Ugly

UFOs and aliens! Time travel and a nuclear apocalypse! Sound exciting? Well don't get your hopes too high, as we struggle to comprehend the plot of this particular 60s Italian film. Join Tom and Ryan as they discuss such important topics as Italian dialects, Pep Boys, women's magazines, and pinball machines! Tune in for our review of Star Pilot!   Time stamps: 0:04:05 - Background 0:14:45 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:23:10 - Notable Scenes 0:31:50 - The Good 0:37:20 - The Bad 0:48:10 - The Ugly

We have an accidental tradition here on the podcast of watching some of the worst films of all time early in the year. With this cheerleading exploitation horror film, it looks like 2021 is going to be no different! Join Tom and Ryan as they suffer through an almost unbearable movie while discussing pertinent topics like shitty disco music, voyeurism, and the Orcs from Warcraft II. It's our review of Satan's Cheerleaders! CW: Rape/Sexual Assault   Time stamps: 0:04:25 - Background 0:26:35 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:42:05 - Notable Scenes 0:52:00 - The Good 0:55:55 - The Bad 1:08:55 - The Ugly