School Of Schlock

It's time to check out a legend of the silver screen, Bela Lugosi in a late-career cheap thriller that isn't exactly Dracula. Join Tom and Ryan as they discuss the relative opacity of spirits, disappearing spouses, and executing the wrong person for a crime. It's our review of The Invisible Ghost!   Time stamps: 0:03:30 - Background 0:27:40 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:43:25 - Notable Scenes 0:51:05 - The Good 0:59:20 - The Bad 1:10:05 - The Ugly

What's more exciting than transportation logistics? If you said "anything," then we'd like to change your mind with this 70's made-for-TV action film about truckin'! Join Tom and Ryan as they discuss highway weight limits, one-sheriff towns, and good truckin' buddies. It's our review of Hijack!   Time stamps: 0:03:50 - Background 0:23:25 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:33:05 - Notable Scenes 0:41:35 - The Good 0:46:10 - The Bad 0:59:35 - The Ugly

We do plenty of genre pictures on this podcast, but one genre we've rarely looked at is the romantic drama. It's high time we rectified that by watching this ice-cold clunker from the 80's about a bubble boy and his rocker love interest! Join Tom and Ryan as they discuss plate glass sex scenes, whiny main characters, and the various state requirements for getting legally married. It's our discussion of Crystal Heart! Time stamps: 0:04:30 - Background 0:18:55 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:29:55 - Notable Scenes 0:37:10 - The Good 0:43:20 - The Bad 1:06:15 - The Ugly

It's the mid-2000s and fantasy is IN thanks to Lord of the Rings! Unfortunately wer're stuck with a D-grade attempt at an LotR-style fantasy movie based on a video game, headed by Uwe Boll. Join Tom and Ryan as they talk action stars, over-acting, and cramming too much plot into one poorly paced film. It's our review of In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Seige Tale!   Time stamps: 0:04:10 - Background 0:42:15 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:52:15 - Notable Scenes 1:03:15 - The Good 1:10:10 - The Bad 1:26:10 - The Ugly

Finally it's time to tackle a good ol' buddy-style action-comedy! And what better buddy pair could we ask for than Jackie Chan and Owen Wilson? Join Tom and Ryan as they look at a sequel that kicks and punches its way through London. On the way they'll discuss writing v. fighting, British imperialism, and blowing up Donnie Yen with a firework. It's our review of Shanghai Knights!   Time stamps: 0:03:45 - Background 0:29:05 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:38:35 - Notable Scenes 0:47:00 - The Good 0:52:20 - The Bad 1:07:10 - The Ugly

What can you do about a group fo delinquent kids chopping up cars for parts? What about delinquent kids playing bad 50s rock 'n' roll? Join Tom and Ryan as they attempt to answer these pressing questions, as well as discuss important topics like driving chickens, the target audience at drive-ins, and incompetent detectives. It's our review of the 1961 crime drama The Choppers!   Time stamps: 0:04:15 - Background 0:24:25 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:40:35 - Notable Scenes 0:45:35 - The Good 0:52:05 - The Bad 1:02:40 - The Ugly

Gamera is a friend to all children and a foe to anyone who wants to destroy Expo 70! Yes, we're back with another kaiju film starring everyone's favorite giant turtle. Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about scenic green space in the lungs, the Tower of the Sun, and how to stay safe when your city is being seiged by giant monsters. Strap into your tiny submarine for our review of Gamera vs Jiger!   Time stamps: 0:05:25 - Background 0:16:50 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:33:15 - Notable Scenes 0:41:15 - The Good 0:46:45 - The Bad 1:04:25 - The Ugly

Ewoks! Ewoks! Ewoks! It's the second made-for-TV-and-British-theaters Ewoks adventure film, this time with our favorite Liberty Mutual spokesman, Wilford Brimley. Join Tom, Ryan, and special guest and Star Wars expert Greg as they talk about horse colors, bad masks, and super-speedy Teeks. It's our review of Ewoks: The Battle for Endor!   Time stamps: 0:04:25 - Background 0:23:35 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:37:05 - Notable Scenes 0:51:25 - The Good 0:58:45 - The Bad 1:21:30 - The Ugly

What can be better than a classic cozy murder mystery? A young woman is murdered 13 years to the day after her father died mysteriously at a dinner party. What's going on? And whodunnit? Join Tom and Ryan as they try to solve the mystery while also discussing famous brothels, Scooby-Doo, and the one and only Ginger Rogers. It's our review of The Thirteenth Guest!   Time stamps: 0:04:25 - Background 0:18:40 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:27:50 - Notable Scenes 0:37:30 - The Good 0:42:20 - The Bad 0:51:50 - The Ugly

We've already seen plenty of Star Wars knock-offs, but this one takes the cake! Specifically the rancid, molding, decades-old fruit cake. Join Tom and Ryan as they review another awful Italian sci-fi flick by the same director who brought us War of the Robots. We also discuss carnival music, robot sex, and hookah! It's our review of Star Odyssey! (CW: References to suicide and infertility.)   Time stamps: 0:03:45 - Background 0:13:40 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:29:25 - Notable Scenes 0:36:15 - The Good 0:39:05 - The Bad 0:54:45 - The Ugly

It's sequel time! Why would we stop at watching only one Highlander film when there are so many others to be explored? Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about bad coordinates, worse romances, and the worst retconning we've ever seen. Listen and you'll agree, "there can be only one" review for Highlander II: The Quickening!   Time stamps: 0:03:20 - Background 0:29:50 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:49:45 - Notable Scenes 0:59:00 - The Good 1:01:15 - The Bad 1:16:45 - The Ugly

We've already seen one film about a human head being kept alive by grotesque experimentation. How about another?? And this time we're revisiting a schlock "classic," an all-timer of a bad film. Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about cat fights, remakes, and of course James Bond films with "Brain" in the title! It's our review of The Brain That Wouldn't Die!   Time stamps: 0:05:55 - Background 0:21:20 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:33:40 - Notable Scenes 0:39:55 - The Good 0:44:20 - The Bad 0:55:30 - The Ugly

There's nothing like an old-fashioned murder mystery to get the mind turning and the blood pumping. And if we add Vincent Price to the mix, what could go wrong? Join Tom and Ryan as they discuss charisma, causality, and common sense (or a lack thereof). Slip on your clawed gloves and listen to our review of The Bat!   Time stamps: 0:03:05 - Background 0:22:55 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:33:45 - Notable Scenes 0:44:05 - The Good 0:50:05 - The Bad 1:02:50 - The Ugly

Tom and Ryan are keeping their youth with an invigorating beauty product! No one would argue that The Fly isn't a lesson in gross-out body horror...but what if a human was crossed with a wasp? Join Tom and Ryan as they discuss all things waspy, from beauty products to bad special effects to re-used film scores. Get buzzing for our review of The Wasp Woman!   Time stamps: 0:04:00 - Background 0:23:50 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:41:50 - Notable Scenes 0:52:30 - The Good 0:58:15 - The Bad 1:08:00 - The Ugly

You probably shouldn't watch a sequel without seeing the film it's a sequel of, but we're going to do it anyway! And really, watching the first Universal Soldier won't improve this one. Join Tom and Ryan as we talk about unnecessary sequels, sexy mustaches, robotic acting, and Magic planeswalkers. It's our review of Universal Soldier II: Brothers in Arms!   Time stamps: 0:03:40 - Background 0:29:10 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:35:55 - Notable Scenes 0:43:40 - The Good 0:48:45 - The Bad 1:03:05 - The Ugly

Cowboys versus natives has been a trope of the Western genre for as long as the genre has existed, with countless movies depicting the conflict. So why not add one more tired cinematic experience to that unfathomably long list? Join Tom and Ryan as they discuss this trope and related topics, like cow puns, One Life to Live, and misleading opening narrations. It's our review of Against a Crooked Sky!   Time stamps: 0:02:30 - Background 0:21:00 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:37:50 - Notable Scenes 0:44:00 - The Good 0:46:45 - The Bad 0:57:35 - The Ugly

Mad Max may have shown us that in the post-apocalypse we drive gas-guzzling modified death machines everywhere...but what if cars aren't available? How will we navigate the violence-torn streets? This movie has the answer: rollerblades! Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about hate groups, non-threatening modes of transport, and bad slow-mo. It's our review of Prayer of the Rollerboys!   Time stamps: 0:03:45 - Background 0:29:00 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:43:50 - Notable Scenes 0:51:00 - The Good 1:01:40 - The Bad 1:12:55 - The Ugly

2021 wasn't much better than 2020, but did the films we watched this year match the year's quality? Which characters were the worst of the worst? Which moments are burned into our brains? And what visuals scarred our eyeballs? Find out in our annual Schlocky Awards for 2021!   Time Stamps: 0:03:10 - Explanation, Film List, and Lifetime Achievement Award 0:09:45 - Worst Character 0:50:00 - Worst Moment or Line 1:41:30 - Worst Visual 1:53:55 - Best Moment 2:06:30 - The 10 Worst Films of the Year

The crazed consumerism of Christmas calls for consequential critiques! But can this action-star-fueled family Christmas comedy deliver the goods? Join Tom and Ryan as they discuss holiday toy crazes, cartoon physics, and getting into the true holiday spirit. It's our review of Jingle All the Way!   Time stamps: 0:05:05 - Background 0:32:45 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:46:10 - Notable Scenes 0:53:10 - The Good 1:00:15 - The Bad 1:10:00 - The Ugly

After so many old B-movies, it can feel refreshing to watch a Hollywood blockbuster that you remember seeing in theaters. But does this tale of campy vampires, sexy werewolves, and horny priests actually hold up? Join Tom, Ryan, and special guest Jess to talk about all the important elements of an action adventure film, like dubious accents, unused weaponry, and Spanish guitar! It's our review of Van Helsing!   Time stamps: 0:05:15 - Background 0:29:25 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:42:00 - Notable Scenes 0:50:10 - The Good 1:04:05 - The Bad 1:17:15 - The Ugly