School Of Schlock

Peter Cushing is back for more monster-horror adventures! This time a series of mysterious murders are being investigated in period England and Cushing has to figure out what's going on...wait, wasn't that the plot of the last Cushing movie we did? Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about plot similarities, faux  Frankenstein, and if being TOO British can ruin a movie...? It's our review of The Blood Beast Terror!   Time stamps: 0:04:10 - Background 0:16:20 - Summary 0:29:05 - Notable Scenes 0:35:30 - The Good 0:38:25 - The Bad 0:56:05 - The Ugly

Summer's here and the time is right to be watching horse movies! For all you animal-lovers out there, we have a real treat with a film about a city girl going to the country to find meaning (and love along the way)! Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about atrocious audio, dreary dialogue, and why horses are so important to horse movies. It's our review of Wildfire: The Arabian Heart!   Time Stamps: 0:04:55 - Background 0:14:15 - Summary 0:26:45 - Notable Scenes 0:39:20 - The Good 0:40:15 - The Bad 1:02:15 - The Ugly

It's been a while since we had a true-blue kung fu martial arts movie, so we figured it was time to get our fists flying and our feet kicking with a mystical early 80's fighting film from Taiwan. Can Shaolin Fox unravel the mystery of the Purple Jade Badger? How many people will die along the way? Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about cheap sound effects, bad sound stages, and unsound camera work in this Wu Tang Collection classic. It's our review of Shaolin Fox Conspiracy!   Time Stamps: 0:03:55 - Background 0:18:35 - Summary 0:33:55 - Notable Scenes 0:42:10 - The Good 0:46:10 - The Bad 0:59:25 - The Ugly

The year is 1943 and America is in the midst of the Second World War. Able-bodied people are needed for the military, but how do you convince people to join outside of the draft? Enter patriotic war movies like this one, about a man on the run who rejoins the Navy on a minesweeper! Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about big boys, gambling debts, and patriotic hobos! It's our review of Minesweeper!   Time Stamps: 0:04:05 - Background 0:27:00 - Summary 0:41:10 - Notable Scenes 0:52:15 - The Good 0:58:15 - The Bad 1:09:30 - The Ugly

A former DEA agent confronts the evil cabal who kidnapped his brother. The trailer calls this film "part RoboCop, part Terminator," but...is it? Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about island tourism, lazy action sequences, and changing your pants in the bed of a truck! It's our review of Cyborg Cop!   Time Stamps: 0:05:10 - Background 0:19:35 - Summary 0:32:30 - Notable Scenes 0:40:20 - The Good 0:45:10 - The Bad 0:59:50 - The Ugly

It's time to revisit one of our favorite horror B-movie actors; that's right, it's Peter Cushing time! We're watching as he tries to solve a series of grisly murders that all seem to point to...a werewolf! Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about confused timelines, English-French accents, and what it feels like to encounter a somewhat decent movie for this podcast. It's our review of The Legend of the Werewolf! Time stamps: 0:03:40 - Background 0:26:35 - Summary 0:38:50 - Notable Scenes 0:46:10 - Good 0:56:25 - Bad 1:11:45 - Ugly

It's not often that we come across a movie that makes us reflect on the big questions: what is art? What qualifies as a movie? Why the hell did we watch this? Join Tom and Ryan as they talk self-aggrandizing actors, dream logic editing, katana-wielding priests, and of course, Zen filmmaking. It's our review of The Legend of the Rollerblade Seven! Time stamps: 0:03:45 - Background 0:30:40 - Summary 0:33:30 - Notable Scenes 0:51:00 - The Good 0:57:30 - The Bad 1:04:05 - The Ugly

There's a rogue agent looking to unleash a wave of terror on the world, and only a proto-Charlie's Angels squad of female agents can stop him! Join Tom and Ryan as they discuss super-imposed explosions, surprise assassinations, and undermined female empowerment. It's our review of The Doll Squad!   Time stamps: 0:03:35 - Background 0:23:10 - Summary 0:34:15 - Notable Scenes 0:44:30 - The Good 0:51:50 - The Bad 1:08:25 - The Ugly

A meteorite has awakened a primitive beast from its slumber in the Pacific Northwest. How will a bunch of 1970s hillbillies stop its murder spree? Join Tom and Ryan as they discuss surprising special effects collaborations, condensed plot arcs, and bad British accents. It's our review of The Crater Lake Monster!   Time stamps: 0:03:40 - Background 0:18:30 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:29:55 - Notable Scenes 0:39:40 - The Good 0:44:05 - The Bad 1:00:05 - The Ugly

It was only a matter of time before we ended up reviewing a SyFy original movie, and our desire to revisit the disaster film genre has led us to doing just that. The disaster this time? Earthquakes! Join Tom and Ryan as they discuss phoned-in performances, stealth lasers, and shoe-meltingly bad effects. It's our review of Megafault!   Time stamps: 0:03:40 - Background 0:28:50 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:43:45 - Notable Scenes 0:52:00 - The Good 0:54:50 - The Bad 1:16:35 - The Ugly

It's time for some classic Roger Corman, and this time we're looking at one of his earlier films, a horror monster movie with a classic sci-fi bent. Join Tom and Ryan as they discuss liquid shellfish, never-ending action, and The Professor from Gilligan's Island. It's our review of Attack of the Crab Monsters!   Time stamps: 0:03:40 - Background 0:24:40 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:38:10 - Notable Scenes 0:45:40 - The Good 0:53:35 - The Bad 1:08:35 - The Ugly

Rocky, Million-Dollar Baby, Real Steel...just how many fighting sport films are out there, anyway? This film makes the case that there's at least one too many! Join Tom and Ryan as they discuss porno credits, wrestling vs kickboxing, and Maine-based community theater. It's our review of Final Impact!   Time stamps: 0:02:30 - Background 0:22:00 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:31:40 - Notable Scenes 0:40:05 - The Good 0:44:40 - The Bad 0:57:30 - The Ugly

Foreign sci-fi films are our bread and butter, so how could we resist watching a late 60s Italian film about brave atronauts meeting troubled aliens? Join Tom and Ryan as they discuss Mombasa, Level 4 specimens, and the most successful sci-fi book series ever made. It's our review of Mission Stardust!   Time stamps: 0:04:15 - Background 0:16:25 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:29:30 - Notable Scenes 0:34:15 - The Good 0:39:00 - The Bad 0:51:55 - The Ugly

2022 was the year we came out of and/or started ignoring the pandemic, but did the movies this year make us sick? Which visual was the most stomach-churning? Which terrible moment is seared into our memories? And what exciting first is happening for our awards this year? Find out in the 2022 Schlocky Awards!   Time Stamps: 0:03:25 - Explanation, Film List, and Lifetime Achievement Award 0:12:50 - Worst Character 1:07:10 - Worst Moment or Line 2:01:50 - Worst Visual 2:17:35 - Best Moment 2:26:05 - The 10 Worst Films of the Year

Ho ho ho! It's our seasonal holiday episode, and we're once again tackling a Christmas romance that doesn't deliver! This time it's former sweethearts who have gone their separate ways...but can the magic of the season bring them back together? Join Tom and Ryan as they discuss beauty pagent drama, movie Santas, bad sound production, and real-life rom-coms. It's our review of The Christmas Coupon!   Time stamps: 0:02:55 - Background 0:19:35 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:30:15 - Notable Scenes 0:38:20 - The Good 0:40:35 - The Bad 0:55:45 - The Ugly

More Roger Corman?? Say it ain't so! We've got a depressing 1950s morality tale all about the corrupting influence of money, power, and worst of all--women! Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about professional safecrackers, precise timing, and swift conclusions. It's our review of High School Big Shot!   Time stamps: 0:03:55 - Background 0:21:50 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:35:00 - Notable Scenes 0:43:10 - The Good 0:49:15 - The Bad 0:58:35 - The Ugly

There's almost a comfort in returning to the sword-and-sorcery genre. It's time for an 80s fantasy film inspired by Heavy Metal aesthetics that isn't shy about indulging in excess. Join Tom and Ryan as they talk bad beheadings, non-stop nudity, and evasive editing in this cheesy flick. It's our review of Deathstalker!   Time stamps: 0:03:20 - Background 0:17:40 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:24:25 - Notable Scenes 0:30:05 - The Good 0:34:20 - The Bad 0:45:55 - The Ugly

Back-to-back weeks of terrible film! We've seen some of the worst that cinema has to offer, but is it possible that we've watched two all-time bad movies right in a row? Join Tom and Ryan as they swim with the sharks and talk about awful acting, atrocious audio, and some of the creepiest (in a bad way) scenes we've ever been subjected to. It's our review of 2016 atrocity Shark Exorcist.   Time stamps: 0:04:55 - Background 0:11:30 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:19:30 - Notable Scenes 0:27:10 - The Good 0:29:25 - The Bad 0:48:55 - The Ugly

We've been through some of the worst films in cinematic history. We survived Plan 9. Made it through Manos. Pushed through The Room. But is this the worst film we've ever watched for this podcast? Join Tom, Ryan, and special guest Mike as they discuss a romantic comedy that must be one of the lows of cinema, while also getting in some comments about David Lynch, ducks, and video game hero Gex. It's our review of Love on a Leash!   Time stamps: 0:04:05 - Background 0:16:35 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:22:05 - Notable Scenes 0:34:05 - The Good 0:39:10 - The Bad 0:53:40 - The Ugly

Sometimes genre films cross lines and blend together disparate elements to make compelling viewing. But despite the talent of actors like Jack Palance, Westworld this isn't. Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about proper experiment procedures, love trapezoids, and killing for fun and profit. It's our review of Welcome to Blood City!   Time stamps: 0:04:30 - Background 0:24:45 - Back-of-the-Box Summary 0:40:30 - Notable Scenes 0:48:05 - The Good 0:52:35 - The Bad 1:09:00 - The Ugly