Again With This: Beverly Hills, 90210

The organizers of a medical conference in Santa Barbara had NO IDEA their event was going to be a flashpoint for so much drama! First, Coop tries to get Michael to go and gets turned down flat. Then Megan tries to get Michael to agree to more therapy, so he claims he has to go to this conference and absolutely cannot get out of it! Then Coop tells Lexi he's not going to be able to see her when she comes to L.A., because he's going to, guess what, this conference. So when she says she'll just track him down there, he gets Peter to go in his place. Michael is delighted to hear that his wife has come to the hotel to surprise him...until he sees that it's actually Taylor, still looking for him to knock her up -- which is why things get complicated when his actual wife actually ALSO comes to surprise him, but Taylor will not let Megan interrupt their procreative schedule! At the same time, Peter happens to meet a gorgeous redhead who's loitering around the hotel seeming frustrated.... In Los Angeles, Amanda and Bi

Coop has not only taken Michael up on his invitation to join the medical practice -- he brings in a contractor to start talking about knocking down walls before he's even met Peter! Who by the way isn't thrilled to have this development sprung on him. Michael has MANY problems other than his business partner's rage: Megan gets him to enter couples' therapy, where they are challenged not to lie to each other for 48 whole hours. And: Taylor's plan to get artificially inseminated goes off the rails due to a problem at the sperm bank. Wherever will she find more sperm before she's done ovulating?! Peter also has some other plots cooking: after Amanda mentioned in passing that she might want to start her own new ad agency, Peter's enlisted Billy to come up with a prospectus, and believes that if he can just give Amanda the money to get it off the ground, she'll fall in love with him again for sure. Not thrilled with this plan: Sam, who is worried about what Craig will do if he suffers another huge loss. And she's

For obvious reasons, Amanda is trying to void the lease that Taylor signed with Matt; for equally obvious reasons, she's annoyed that Kyle doesn't seem to care where Taylor lives or what she does. Then Amanda overhears Peter yelling at Taylor about her pregnancy, and tells Kyle about it. And when Kyle asks Taylor about it, she says that not only is it true...but that Kyle must be the father because Peter is sterile. Obviously, Peter is not thrilled that this rumor about him is going around the complex, until Taylor tells him that they can use this lie to break up Kyle and Amanda and reunite with their original partners. Coop has arranged for his extremely offscreen fancy surgeon friend to operate on Michael's hands; Jennifer uses this potentially dangerous moment in Michael's life to manipulate Megan into spending time with him again. It's lucky for Coop that everyone's too self-involved to notice how much attention he is paying to everything anyone says about Michael in his presence. Craig is still raw from

Wilshire Memorial has always been a flashpoint for drama, and that has never been more true than in our Season 6 premiere. Peter is still in Carmel, sorting out his feelings about Taylor's pregnancy and making a huge decision. Michael is entering into a devil's bargain with Jennifer, so that she'll convince her new roomie Megan not to turn against Michael. Matt has decided to do his residency at a teaching hospital in San Francisco, where Michael conveniently has a hookup. And Dr. Brett Cooper relocates from Cleveland to Los Angeles, apparently for the sole purpose of avenging Kimberly's death. Then there's the fallout from the Season 5 finale car crash: a couple of people are dead (one no one will mourn, and one we ALL will), and a lot of feelings are hurt. Kyle and Amanda have managed not to screw things up between them in the 12 hours or so they've spent boning all over her apartment, but now she has to go to New York and turn down that other job in person, because she got the hookup from her old mentor, w

Though being a bitch queen has generally worked out for Amanda, her run may be at an end: Craig and Sydney are conspiring to bring down D&D from within, and her desperate attempt to get back the capital she poured into the jazz club fails when Kyle has to tell her he spent it on tables and bands and napkins and stuff. It's more than she can take -- literally (in a physical sense). And D&D is not the only Melrose Place business going through changes: Jake has sold Shooters to an entirely offscreen buyer, but Alison doesn't seem too excited about starting her new life in Ojai: she picks a fight about putting her dreams on hold for his, races back to L.A., "forgets" she has important real estate papers in her car and asks Colleen to bring them up to Jake. She couldn't push the two former partners closer together if she tried! (...Hmmmm.) Michael and Taylor's scheme against Peter kicks into its final phase, only to risk blowback when this physician seeks a second opinion on his surgeon partner's neurologi

Amanda returns from the DR divorced and in a great mood...until she learns that Sydney's employment was a condition of her settling her lawsuit. Sydney is suspicious about why Amanda is putting so many D&D resources behind the launch of Kyle's stupid club, while Amanda is greedily jealous of Craig's relationship with Sydney even though Amanda didn't even want him when she could have easily had him, and just regular jealous that Kyle hired Jennifer to tend bar at the club without running it by Amanda first. Colleen comes back to town upon the very predictable end of her marriage, bringing David to spend some time with Jake before Colleen and David move out of state; Alison gets just as predictably bent out of shape about it, given that she was already worried that her infertility was denying Jake one of his longest-held life goals. Billy eludes the cops to get Jim his cash, only to learn there's yet another stipulation: Jim isn't leaving town without Sam. This finally leads Sam and Billy to come clean to t

Megan snitches to Kyle about Jennifer's new strip club job, from which he extricates her just before she's about to accept a promotion from server to performer, setting her up in his apartment...alone, because it's time for Amanda and Kyle to journey to the Dominican Republic to finalize their quickie divorces, but oh no! Amanda's apparently terrible travel agent booked them in a resort that has had its one road washed out during the rainy season, so they're going to have to stay in a VERY rustic beach shack arranged by a random cab driver Kyle meets at the airport! Roughing it eventually brings out the best in Amanda, and the two get closer commiserating, some more, about the end of their marriages. But can it last, given Kyle's current house guest? Jennifer also witnesses Michael and Taylor scheming to trick Peter into thinking he has rage epilepsy and is physically abusing Taylor during blackouts; Taylor excitedly plants a big kiss on Michael to seal their evil deal, which Jennifer is delighted to report t

If you worried that we might not hear about the jazz club this time, don't! Amanda has decided she needs to formalize her partnership with Kyle, and he eventually agrees -- as long as there's no chance Peter is going to weasel his way in. Amanda is on the same page, but regarding Taylor, so a summit is arranged at which the matter of these two lingering divorces is finally addressed. Taylor is pretty eager to sign any paperwork Kyle puts in front of her considering that Peter is still being controlling about her full-on Beth impersonation, but Michael is still hanging around, looking to turn Taylor's building resentment against Peter, to Michael's advantage. Meanwhile, Craig is still pursuing his campaign to make Sydney horny enough to drop her lawsuit; it's too bad she's not the only one he should be trying to manipulate. Former fiancés Billy and Alison are not having a great time: Billy the idiot lets Sam convince him not to call the cops on Jim immediately; and Alison learns that being on your best behavio

Our A plot is basically a thicket of bad decisions: Amanda and Kyle going into the JAZZ CLUB business together! Jennifer impulsively outing her five-month affair with Kyle -- because yes, she was the server he fooled around with in Boston! Alison drinking in virtually every one of her scenes and Jake defending it to Amanda and Billy! And Taylor going along with Peter's domineering-husband role-play! For a while, anyway. The former employee's of Sydney's (RIP) are both getting jerked around by the shadiest men in their lives: Jim is trying to extort even more money out of Sam, while Craig keeps tabs on Sydney by treating her to a Palm Springs spa vacation she seems to see no reason to question. Denise reluctantly goes along with a judge's order that Chelsea resume living with Matt, but on her lawyer's advice, she deputizes Chelsea to start keeping a snitch log they can eventually use to contest Matt's custody in court. Take off that sensible skirt suit and let down your french twist: it's time for our podcast

Sydney's not thrilled that the grift she and Harry ran on D&D has resulted in actual injury for her. She is thrilled that he thinks they can take the agency for $5 million. Amanda's not worried about the lawsuit since this is exactly why they have insurance, but whoops, it turns out their policy renewal required some exclusions: of course the rickety stairs to the Business Balcony were among them, and of course Craig never got around to fixing them. But it's fine because he knows how to solve this problem: he'll just seduce Sydney so she drops the suit! Hey, I have a great icebreaker about one thing they have in common: carelessness with their insurance policies. Amanda can't concern herself too much with this, because she's got Kyle to hang out with AS FRIENDS. Just friends on the dance floor, talking about their dreams! That's a much more pleasant topic for her than a disastrous job interview she's just conducted with one Jennifer Mancini -- yes, Michael's younger sister, who's just shown up in L.A. to

Having lost everything thanks to Hilda's scam lawsuit, Sydney still doesn't want to accept Hilda's lawyer's offer to become his new partner in financial crime, but it's hard to deny they make a good team when they grift $2000 off another driver in well under two minutes flat. So she seeks a job waiting tables at Kyle's, which he's happy to give her as soon as he confirms it's really going to bug Taylor. But how long will Sydney hold out against Harry's attractive pitch -- particularly once she realizes she could use their combined skills against Amanda, her main rival for Kyle's affections? The aforementioned Taylor has problems outside the restaurant, too, as Peter keeps buying her dowdy clothes; when Kyle returns Peter and Beth's wedding album to her, she finally figures out exactly why Peter's giving her this extreme makeover. Sydney's not the only one hitting up a neighbor for a job in hospitality: Sam gets Jake to give her dad, Jim, a job at Shooters. Not even Billy's report of receiving threats from Jim

The last episode having left both Alison and Kimberly in possibly mortal danger from their own bodies (and not fire, or Michael, as is usually the case), it makes sense that they share the A plot. Alison has been hospitalized with toxemia and orders not to do anything that might raise her blood pressure, including watch TV -- which seems crazy until some gossip Jake relays (well, look who's suddenly not to good to repeat scandalous stories) makes her laugh herself into a seizure. Mrs. Shaw has responded to Michael's call and is, justifiably, horrified by the sight of her daughter's condition. But while Kimberly wants to leave Los Angeles on good terms with the only two characters who are still speaking to her, Mrs. Shaw (again, justifiably) hates Michael and doesn't want to co-operate. Billy's not happy with the way Sam's father Jim is taking advantage of her, and the more he learns about Jim's life of crime, the less he likes him. And while Sam herself is clearly also uncomfortable about Jim's return to her

Alison continues to go stir-crazy on cervix-related bed rest, so when Amanda announces that she's taking over one of Alison's big clients, Alison decides the money is too important, and sneaks into the office for a day to do the pitch herself. Of course this is the one day Jake ever comes home early from Shooters, and the return of Seething Incubator Cop Jake is unwelcome to say the least. Things are far different for Alison's boss, however! Taylor has fully moved in with Peter, ignoring all hints and direct recommendations that she not plan to make it permanent. And the way people are sharing her personal business, she shouldn't plan on going back to Kyle, either: Amanda tells him what she heard Jake heard Alison heard in the courtyard in the last episode, so Kyle confronts Taylor and finally gets her to admit the whole truth about why they live in Los Angeles now. But if divorce has turned Kyle into a twisted husk, Amanda is living her best life: buying a Jaguar, killing the game at work, and flirting with

With so many people's drama suddenly exploding into chaos, how is SYDNEY the pivot point? Well: she lets it slip in conversation with Peter that she slept with Kyle at the restaurant. Taylor walks in just in time to hear Peter confronting Kyle about it. And Kyle's at the center of a lot of eavesdropping action: first, when an ordered-to-couch-rest Alison overhears Taylor admitting to Kyle that Peter was once her brother-in-law, which Alison goes on to tell Jake; then, when Sam overhears Kyle telling Sydney that the news is out about their hookup. Oh, and: Sydney is the victim of an obvious slip-and-fall scam artist played by Edie McClurg! Somehow, Megan's arrest makes it to the newspaper of a large metropolitan city, causing her scandalized landlady to evict her on 24 hours' notice. Megan self-pities her way through the next couple of days, moving into a cheap motel and leaving all vestiges of her life with Michael back at her vacant house for him to collect. And Chelsea continues to be a pain in all survivin

Amanda immediately regrets revenge-boning Craig, but honestly, she gets off easiest in this episode! Taylor takes her bruised face to Peter's, and is horrified to learn that Peter totally knew that Amanda saw them fooling around but declined to tell her: now she's worried that the information is going to get back to Kyle, known loose cannon. Turns out she's right to be worried about BOTH those things, and probably should have spent some of her commuting time coming up with better cover stories than "I was at the gym" to satisfy Kyle's curiosity. She's such a bad liar, in fact, that Kyle returns to Nick to find out what HE knows; when he hears the tape of Taylor and Peter's filthy phone sex, it seems like he really wishes he hadn't. Josh The Pimp hatches an extremely baroque plan: Kimberly will think she's showing Michael that Megan is seeing clients again, but ACTUALLY Josh and Megan will be setting Kimberly up to look like a liar by lining up a fake client. But could it ACTUALLY be the case that Josh has his

Taylor and Peter know that Nick is on to them since, you know, he told them -- and he's also toying with Taylor by suggesting that he actually MIGHT eventually show Kyle the photos. So Taylor and Peter hatch a scheme of their own, to disable Nick long enough for Peter to sneak into his apartment and steal the incriminating evidence. Meanwhile, Craig pouts his way into getting Amanda to rent him Alison's old apartment (VERY old, at this point -- has it been vacant this whole time?!), on the condition that he not use it to insinuate himself further into her life. And how could he, living RIGHT NEXT DOOR to her? Josh The Pimp continues his campaign against Megan and Michael's...do we want to call it happiness, really? Soon, we find out he hasn't returned to her life by random chance; he has a benefactor who busted him out of prison and who is really just using Josh The Pimp as a tool to break up Michael and Megan. Guess who it is? The answer won't surprise you. Jake, Alison, Billy, Sam, and Sydney all get one sc

It truly takes no time at all for Nick to follow Peter and Taylor to a public place and snap a bunch of photos of the two of them having sex, so whatever Craig is paying him for surveillance...it's too much. Elsewhere at Kyle's, Carter is loving his new life as a dishwasher, until loitering in the parking lot makes him subject to menacing by a random street tough -- and, believe it or not, his week gets even worse after that. Jake returns to Los Angeles to try to reconcile with Alison, and stupid Sam continues being a crappy friend when she volunteers to help. Megan is still trying to prove that Kimberly does not, in fact, need Michael's attention full-time, but by the time the episode ends, she's going to be nostalgic for the time when Kimberly was her biggest problem. Put away your atlas; we're going to tell you all about "Men Are From Melrose"! JOIN THE AWT CLUB

The reconciliation with Peter that Amanda had hoped for is not going to happen quite yet: partly due to Peter's having run into a shirtless Craig at Amanda's, and (not that he's telling Amanda this) partly because Peter and Taylor have FINALLY had sex. Kyle has to take an emergency trip back to Boston, but asks Nick to keep an eye on Taylor in Kyle's absence, which hateful Nick is only too happy to do -- and it'll be pretty easy since they're both working at the restaurant and Nick is moving into Sydney's old place, right next door to the McBrides! Also getting embroiled with the McBrides: Carter, who decides that just giving up his software company wasn't enough of a change, and that he also needs to cosplay as a member of the working class by getting a job as a waiter at Kyle's -- where Craig happens to catch Nick giving Taylor and Peter a dirty look and enlisting him on the spot to spy for Craig, as part of Craig's ongoing campaign to date Amanda. Jake takes a break from acting out about his breakup with A

In another classic midseason Melrose Place two-parter, Amanda and Peter each notch a big career win through underhanded schemes against their enemies. OBVIOUSLY THESE TWO ARE MADE FOR EACH OTHER, which is why it's so frustrating that timing and circumstances (read: the writers) keep conspiring (read: contriving) to keep them from reconciling. For most of this episode, Taylor's not even to blame, because she's occupied with Kyle's shitty friend Nick...who happens to have noticed how much Taylor lights up when Peter comes to Kyle's and vaguely threatens to use this against her, since apparently Kyle hasn't spent any of their bro time together complaining about it. When Sydney pushes Sam to the brink of insanity, Billy seizes his moment to invite Sam to move in with him instead, just in time for Alison and Jake to have a huge fight, requiring Alison to bunk with the newly-cohabitant. Sydney, meanwhile, is still working on driving a wedge between Carter and Walter. Megan would probably LOVE to drive a wedge betwe

Off-model July wraps up in the best possible way: with you! We set up a hotline (210.920.4699) you can use to leave us a voicemail day or night, and we were thrilled to hear from so many of you. We cover questions, like which scenes showed the cast actually acting well and which writer showed up to cameo in multiple episodes. And comments, like how mad people still are about that gay kiss cut from the Season 2 finale, and how the show has invaded their dreams. All this and much much more in our first -- but certainly not last -- call-in special! JOIN THE AWT CLUB