Again With This: Beverly Hills, 90210

So the last episode showed us that Christine was definitely alive; definitely wrote that letter years ago that Taylor apparently forgot about and had to go to Dallas to have Nick explain; and definitely was really injured in the war, she's also in cahoots with Nick, against Kyle. In this one, we're told that although money is apparently involved, and Christine doesn't feel great about her part in it, and this is also kind of a plan FOR Kyle, in the sense of rekindling his friendship with Nick? But other than that there is a plan, we don't know what it is, except that it involves Christine acting like she really needs a lot of attention from Kyle and is still constantly thinking about suicide -- and, honestly, how much acting is involved is an open question. As A plots go, we've had better! Moving on: Lexi has moved out of Peter's place, and (chastely) in with Coop. Megan is upset that Coop could throw her over so easily, so she heads straight back to Michael, and damn the danger of seeing him at the clinic. P

The time has come for a midseason two-parter, and new characters are popping off. Having mooched some extra ER shifts from Peter, Michael meets a shady gentleman (how shady? His name is Spider), who encourages Michael to revive the shuttered medical clinic in his neighborhood. Much as we were expected to believe that Michael doesn't know how strip clubs work, we're also expected to believe he doesn't understand the quid pro quo implied. Meanwhile, with Mrs. Mancini still in town, Jennifer has to keep asking Billy to pose as Craig -- and since Sam is still head over heels for Jeff, she has no problem giving Billy permission to do it and leave her alone, basically. And after Lexi's father Thomas suffers a health emergency in the middle of a conversation with Peter, Michael's ex-wife, Megan, stumbles secret knowledge about it that she wishes she never had. Mancinis: drama magnets! When Kyle and Christine have an awkward reunion that immediately resurrects Angry Kyle, Christine enlists Amanda to help her smooth t

We join Jennifer just as she's absorbing horrifying news: Mia Mancini, mother to Jennifer and Michael, is coming for a visit -- just as her children's lives are falling apart! Michael has to do some fancy footwork to explain why he doesn't want to bring Mia to his office, but it works, and when Mia mistakes Billy for Craig, Jennifer just decides to run with it! Billy is more willing to play along than he might otherwise be since Sam is preoccupied: landing Jeff Baylor means committing to have her run his campaign, and although Jeff knows she's married, he maaaaaybe doesn't care, and maybe Sam doesn't either what with Billy being such a jerk to her all the time. Taylor guides Amanda to finding out more information about Christine, but slightly overplays her hand by telling Amanda things only Nick knew, which Amanda then repeats to Kyle. But everything changes when Kyle very belatedly receives a letter Christine wrote him years ago. Thomas only has one scene, but he makes it count: Sterling Conway Enterprises h

Once again, the medical practice is a flashpoint for drama. Peter can plainly tell that Lexi's father Thomas has no respect for him, because Thomas is not even pretending to hide it. (It's not like we can really say Thomas is WRONG to think Peter is bad news for his daughter, but since he much prefers Coop for her, it's not like his judgment is perfect.) Coop is keeping a close eye on Michael and Amber, noting their cohabitation and making sure Amber gets invited to a big reception the practice is throwing to impress a bunch of "hospital bigwigs." Once there, Coop doesn't let her champagne glass empty, and though the consequences are predictable, we must ALSO say that Coop had nothing to do with Amber showing up in what would be quite brief even as a nightgown, plus also braless; Michael did THAT to her/himself. Amanda's recovery takes a sudden turn for the better, just in time for Taylor to track Nick down in Dallas, break into his apartment, talk up the jazz club, and get the full story of Christine the Mar

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Our A plot is a good old doctor roundup! Michael is using all his romantic tricks to lock down Amber; when she resists, he (rudely) assumes it's because she's embarrassed about her job and what his friends (who) will think of her, and (annoyingly) the show doesn't let her tell him she's rejecting him for any number of other very good reasons. When Megan dribbles some baloney about never having really dated, Coop suggests that they start their relationship over in a "courtship" mode. Bob, having recovered his memories about the night of the hit-and-run, confronts Peter with a blackmail threat, but he doesn't want money: he wants Peter to break up with Lexi so that Bob can have her for himself. (Billy, Sam, and Jennifer also stop by for one scene, presumably for contractual reasons.) Since Amanda is still paralyzed, Taylor starts looking for ways she can use the situation to her advantage with Kyle, spying on him when he goes looking through his old foot locker. When Taylor actually talks to Amanda, they compar

Amanda and Sam's crash site still hasn't been found, and Kyle is DETERMINED to locate it NO MATTER WHAT and REGARDLESS of whose actually experienced toes he steps on!!! (Billy is also there, kind of circling Kyle and yapping like that little dog in the old Looney Tunes cartoon.) Anyway -- spoiler? -- the ladies are located and treated for their injuries, and it turns out Amanda wasn't just whining about her back: it is seriously injured, to the degree that she may be paralyzed. (Or just have to stay in bed for a while because of Heather Locklear's pregnancy.) While Sam is still recovering -- and totally convinced by Billy's version of Connie's snitching about their kiss -- Billy urges Connie to go see her, promising he didn't tell her anything about...you know. GloveCo is thriving, but Coop still wants to get rid of Michael; soft-hearted and/or stupid Megan just wants him to ignore Michael instead. While Peter is occupied by Amanda's treatment, Lexi lavishes her attention onto Bob, in a decision she almost im

The GloveCo lawsuit is behind us...sort of: Michael is so bitter about having been cut out of the business for the obvious reasons that he uses his Chief of Staff position to forbid the glove's use in surgery by ANY hospital personnel. Coop hatches a plan to strip Michael of this authority, but it's going to require that Michael believe a woman who hates him also wants to bone. Hmmm, could it possibly work?! Peter is also an accessory to this plan, but he's got his own problems: Bob is back in town (crutch-free), and since he's looked up Peter and Lexi's address and popped by, Lexi decides to atone for her crime by giving him a job. It's Billy's birthday, and though Sam has planned a huge celebratory extravaganza, it's going to have to wait until next year: Amanda's bringing her on a location scout for a new client's campaign. Left alone with Billy, Connie only needs to wait for him to get slightly tipsy to create the conditions for him to try to make out. But then Charlie shows up and is NOT WHAT WE EXPECTED

Having learned in the last episode that Lexi (a) has a problem with pills and (b) ran a guy over, Jennifer wastes no time putting her intel to use on Michael's behalf: she tells Coop she can get Lexi to release him from his alimony obligation if Coop will drop the lawsuit against Michael and turn over any relevant documents (which she still believes are fake anyway). Evidently, Coop is too focused on winning Megan away from Michael to think through all the implications, and agrees -- so it's too bad that Megan, despite talking big talk about her plans to divorce Michael, seems extremely susceptible to his love bombing via gifts. As Sam gets increasingly distracted by her long hours at work, Connie seems to be taking advantage of her absence by creeping ever closer to Billy (particularly to his lips). And though Kyle's heartbreak over Amanda is making him even worse at business than usual, a well-timed visit by JON SECADA has Taylor hatching plans to save their lease...and also......make a balloon payment on t

We've said a lot of hurtful things about Coop, because he is a bad character and we have assessed him accurately. But one of the smartest things we've ever seen him do is try to get Craig on his side in the glove lawsuit by showing him the hard evidence that proves Coop really did come up with the idea first. When Jennifer is present for Craig's deposition, where he truthfully testifies about it, she confronts Michael about what he may have gotten her into; Michael has her on side, but he's going to have to do some fancy footwork to keep her there, which will be hard now that his attention is split between that and obsessing about Megan and Coop's burgeoning relationship. Peter returns to the scene of Lexi's hit-and-run and finds the victim, an unhoused person named Bob. Though he tries to keep Lexi from finding out what she did, even she is able to put the pieces together when the cops show up and tell her about the person Peter saved after some scofflaw ran him over. Amanda continues to be distressed about

Peter confronts Lexi about the pills he found in her purse, which he went ahead and asked Coop about behind her back, and guess what: she feels betrayed! Fortunately, she's easily distracted by the project of redecorating not just the condo, but the offices of the Mancini Glove Company, too. Décor is the least of Michael's concerns: he's busy trying to convince Megan that she's extremely frail, and also that he was the one who kept a vigil during her coma, both of which require that he keep Coop far away from Megan. Meanwhile, Jennifer's loose lips give Coop yet another front from which to attack Michael. Amanda continues trying to convince Kyle that she wasn't dishonest with him about Eric (even though...lady, come on). But now that Taylor's crept one step closer to reuniting with Kyle for more than a twenty-minute stand, she's got a new project: convincing Kyle to let Amanda sell her share in the jazz club. Amanda's got different hassles at the office, what with Sam and Billy taking off for their honeymoon,

After the previous episode's cliffhanger gets resolved, Amanda must do damage control, trying her very best to convince Kyle that she did NOT accept Eric's offer even though, yes, when Kyle kicked his way into Eric's suite, she WAS in bed with him, naked. Then Billy stops by Kyle's to tell him that a bunch of their clients have come back, and whatever Amanda did, it's working. Hey, Billy? STAY OUT OF IT. Taylor keeps hoping unrest between Kyle and Amanda will mean she can slide back in with him. While Megan remains comatose, Coop is (unsurprisingly) drawn to her; at the same time, he and Michael wrangle over who gets to keep the bedside vigil. Lexi has gotten her prescription refilled, yet we're not sure the writers know what effect Valium has on a patient. Finally, the wedding draws ever closer, putting stress on Jennifer to find a date who will make Craig jealous, and causing Connie to get more direct about her feelings. Wake up! We made you a podcast on "My Little Coma Girl"! JOIN THE AWT CLUB

Once again, the doctors are in disarray! When Peter bails Coop out of jail, Michael turns on both of them, convinced that even if Coop didn't physically pull the trigger at the beach house, he's behind the person who did. Michael's so fired up about finding the shooter that even Megan gets curious enough to join in the investigation. Coop himself is pretty shocked when Mrs. Shaw accosts him outside his apartment, and quickly figures out she's the culprit; since his was not his endgame with Michael, he informs her that he's going to send her back to Cleveland and have her check herself into a mental institution. PROBLEM SOLVED. At the same time, Peter -- a medical doctor -- can tell Lexi isn't quite herself, but not that she's pretty obviously going into withdrawal after running through the last of her tranquilizers. Jennifer is inspired by Billy and Sam's engagement to try to corner Craig into committing to dating her, and won't take "my wife was killed in front of me nine episodes ago so I'm not really ready

Sarah will be back next week (yay!) so this week in lieu of a void of nothingness we're unlocking two episodes from the Again With This Club. 060: Let’s Watch Thomas Calabro On Law & Order! Back in the unlamented Greevey era of Law & Order: Mothership, Thomas Calabro played a variation on Robert Chambers named Ned Loomis in Season 1, Episode 4, "Kiss The Girls And Make Them Die." We have some notes. 064: Let’s Watch Josie Bissett, Laura Leighton, And Daphne Zuniga In Their Fantasy Island Episode! We couldn't NOT watch three Melroseans in the Fantasy Island reboot -- especially in an episode that's a meta meditation on aging in Hollywood and societal double standards. Did the show convert Sarah? And what's with the tomato boobs? JOIN THE AWT CLUB

While Amanda keeps the secret of Eric's designs against Kyle's entire hospitality empire, Eric completes his purchase of the KYLE'S/jazz club property, giving Kyle 30 days to exit. And that's not all: he's ALSO planning to sell Amanda's new agency to one of her competitors. However, he doesn't leave Amanda without hope: he will abandon all his plots if she will just do oooooooone little thing. Michael is still being harassed by either Kimberly or someone working very hard to convince him that they're her. Michael accuses virtually everyone in his life of being the culprit -- though not Craig and Jennifer, since his main complaint about them at the moment is that they're not giving him enough adulation at the newly formed medical device company. Peter is happy to use Michael's crazy-sounding stories against him in order to get his Chief of Staff job back, but otherwise his life is going pretty great. He can even openly date Lexi now, and enjoy total honesty in their relationship, because she has nothing to hid

The main drama swirls around the doctors this time: Michael's already had a prototype cauterizing glove made and is ready to start making money off it immediately by selling it to a medical company; Craig wants to use it to build a company himself, which will make him and both Mancini siblings money in the long term. When Jennifer sees that Michael's stubbornness is going to drive Craig away (from her), she engages in a little espionage to force Craig and Michael into an arranged marriage, business-wise. Though Coop does find out about some of this eventually, it can't be top of mind: he's found out that Lexi got his real books, he knows he's about to get screwed in their divorce settlement, and he wants to know who's to blame. And she's not the only woman in the episode who's giving him trouble. Kyle, continuing to stew (no pun intended) over the loss of KYLE'S East, asks Amanda why she told Eric about it. She says she didn't, which only makes Kyle more suspicious about how Eric found out, particularly after

Michael is the pivot point for virtually everyone in the A plot. He helps Taylor cover up her non-pregnancy after a fortuitous fall down the jazz club's eponymous stairs. He hassles Megan so much that he drives her into Eric's arms. He takes an idle conversation with Coop about surgical tools and turns it into a proposal to develop a new device AND lets Jennifer pitch him on tricking Craig into backing it with Sydney's insurance money instead of blowing it on a cruise. But Michael's not the only one screwing Coop over: Peter is so fired up with love for Lexi that he takes it upon himself to steal Coop's financial records in order to assist her in her divorce machinations. Billy finally decides to listen to Sam the 400th time she tells him to depart Maryland and leave her alone, but his goodbye convinces her that she doesn't belong there either, and she comes home to (a) reunite with him and (b) interview for the graphic artist job he's trying to fill at Amanda's new agency. Make sure you are safely planted be

Still reeling from Sam’s shock departure at the end of the last episode, Billy takes time off from The AWA at the worst possible time to follow a hunch and locate her in Maryland, working at her mother Kate’s restaurant. Though Kate’s longtime employee Ernie seems kindly disposed toward Billy, he admits that Kate still feels guilty about mistakes she made in Sam’s childhood (edging us ever closer to confirmation that Jim sexually abused Sam), and may be overcompensating in her protectiveness of Sam now. Counterpoint to Ernie: it’s Billy. At the same time, Sydney’s father has come to L.A. to see Craig. He’s about to hand off something too significant to mail when a heedless Jennifer flounces out in her underwear and one of Craig’s shirts and Mr. Andrews decides maybe he never needs to see Craig again, actually. Can Jennifer smooth things over with her former distant in-law? As for everyone else: it’s just one romance crisis after another. Kyle is jealous of Amanda’s relationship with Eric, and only grows more

As we take a little time off for the holidays, we're opening up our voicemail box and playing some of your latest calls. In addition to learning about the Jackie Taylor-esque luxury one listener enjoys in her boudoir/kitchenette and another's suggestion for a New Year's resolution a certain Chris Marchette should make, we're answering your questions. Which 90210 or past Melrose Place character would we import to Season 6? What might happen if anyone in the gang crossed over into Law & Order? If we all agree on Melrose Place's BEST couple (and we do), which is second-best? And more! Pop some champagne and join us! JOIN THE AWT CLUB

There's one special gift that almost every Beverly Hills, 90210 and Melrose Place star has loved to give us over the years: appearing in a holiday-themed TV movie! In this special game, Sarah and Dave festively fight to see who is better at guessing those films' titles. Get your silver bell buzzer and play along! JOIN THE AWT CLUB