Again With This: Beverly Hills, 90210

Dylan's pollution emphysema and Brandon's terpsichoreal slut-shaming are nowhere near as dramatic as Sue Scanlon's claim that Gil molested her. JOIN THE AWT CLUB

Two shooting deaths at a rival school sets off a firestorm about football, and dancing, and a bunch of other shit Brandon knows nothing about but feels perfectly comfortable pontificating about. The good news? We get to meet Jordan Bonner! JOIN THE AWT CLUB

While the gang weighs/stresses about their options with regard to college applications, David stresses about whether he'll ever get the sight of a naked Kelly out of his head. JOIN THE AWT CLUB

Drama surrounding the SAT, a legacy key, and Nikki's increasingly stalkerish pursuit of Brenda are all overshadowed by Brenda's ill-advised participation in a segment on a tabloid TV show. JOIN THE AWT CLUB

A lot of parents who read the Blaze are going to be horrified to learn that new advisor Gil Meyers is a male chauvinist pig. Elsewhere, seniors meet their freshman buddies, who really run the gamut fashion-wise, and Brenda and Dylan's nonstop PDA has Kelly moping around West Beverly like Charlie Brown. JOIN THE AWT CLUB

Dylan and Kelly have very different reactions to Brenda's return from France, and they're both far less honest about how they spent their summers than she is. Also: David inflicts his music on us some more. JOIN THE AWT CLUB

Steve gets his David Geffen on; Kelly and Dylan can't stop kissing; Brandon meets a homeless guy with frosted tips; and Brenda meets Rique! JOIN THE AWT CLUB

Brandon and Steve compete over a girl even mumsier than Andrea, while David finds a fan for his music, Dylan and Kelly get ready to start Deceptioning, and Donna...models. JOIN THE AWT CLUB

In Paris, Brenda tries to keep Donna from getting so homesick she goes straight back home. At home, Brandon's a dick to Andrea. Donna: stay where you are. JOIN THE AWT CLUB

Donna and Kelly prepare for their trip to Europe, Steve prepares to pull both members of a pair of twins, and Brenda annoys Dylan by...vacuuming. JOIN THE AWT CLUB

Two months have passed since the Season 2 finale. Apparently no one spoke to each other in that whole time, because it sure feels like we're picking up EXACTLY where we left off. JOIN THE AWT CLUB

Kelly's seemingly doomed romance with Jake can't compete with the drama of Brenda's rage over Jim's ban on Dylan in the Season 2 finale. JOIN THE AWT CLUB

Jim and Cindy actually let Brenda go to Mexico for an overnight trip with Dylan?! Yes...and no. JOIN THE AWT CLUB

Felice gets her groove back in front of her daughter, unfortunately. Also unfortunate? The guys' scheme to get a private strip show in the Walsh living room, and also every scene with actual '90s musical combo Color Me Badd. JOIN THE AWT CLUB

Brenda does her best to bear up like a staunch little Walsh when she gets held up at gunpoint, but human emotions intrude. JOIN THE AWT CLUB

Nat faces the loss of the Peach Pit to a new shopping mall -- an event that Brandon makes all about himself, clinching his first-ballot entry into the Dickhead Hall Of Fame. JOIN THE AWT CLUB

Jim's attempt to bring the Japanese sensation karaoke (ARE WE SPELLING THAT RIGHT???) to the Peach Pit is overshadowed by Brenda and Dylan's somewhat innocent, somewhat sketchy 'friendships' with members of the opposite sex. JOIN THE AWT CLUB

When Valentine's Day dawns in Beverly Hills, Cupid's arrows are flying everywhere -- the dentist's office, the track, even the blood bank! JOIN THE AWT CLUB

Prudes on the school board try to act like teens won't have sex if you just tell them not to; Andrea begs to differ, and the issue threatens to tear the gang apart! JOIN THE AWT CLUB

Brenda's nascent driving career hits its first major setback/a lady's car, but Brandon can barely care about the ding on his precious 'Stang when he's in the middle of exposing the steroid ring on West Beverly High's track team! JOIN THE AWT CLUB