School Of Schlock

Everyone and loves Godzilla, but what about his hard-shelled cousin, Gamera? This giant turtle is the savior of Japan and a friend to all children! Tom and Ryan watch as he fights a giant knife-headed monster; along the way there is discussion about kaiju gymnastics, the Church of Gamera, and exactly how much monster fighting should be a move about monsters fighting. The Gamera Theme will live on in your heart when you listen to our review of Gamera vs. Guiron!   Time stamps: 0:03:22 - Background 0:20:52 - Film Summary 0:44:43 - The Good 0:49:10 - The Bad 0:54:48 - The Ugly 1:06:00 - Improvements

Roll for initiative! You're about to begin an epic encounter with a movie that's basically an extended PSA about how Dungeons and Dragons is evil! Don't worry, you've got your faithful party members, Tom and Ryan, at your side; they're ready to fight, but also ready to talk about subjects such as why this film is a poor representation of the roleplaying experience, what "Satanic panic" was all about, and whether we can use this film to torpedo Tom Hanks's career. Draw your swords, ready your spells, and get ready for our review of Mazes and Monsters!   Time stamps: 0:03:48 - Background 0:29:55 - Film Summary 0:55:42 - The Good 1:01:25 - The Bad 1:13:40 - The Ugly 1:27:43 - Improvements

What would happen if you remade the film Independence Day, but left out all of the action and made the aliens look like goofy bug-eyed humans? Obviously you would get this movie, as Tom and Ryan quickly discover! Join them as they talk about oversized wildlife, the influence of Biography, and the sin of omission. Prepare yourself to be abducted by the Killers from Space!

What would it take to convince a skeptic that the supernatural is real? Would it take unbreakable trances? The foretelling of mysterious deaths? Or maybe just some carnivorous plants? Tom and Ryan watch a 50s horror film that tries to pose these questions, and then delivers disappointing answers. Meanwhile, they discuss casting Austro-Hungarian army members as natives, composing music for SeaWorld, and of course Undone - The Sweater Song by Weezer. It's all part of the experience of Voodoo Island!   Time stamps: 0:05:28 - Background 0:29:55 - Film Summary 0:50:35 - The Good 0:57:05 - The Bad 1:12:06 - The Ugly 1:25:25 - Improvements

Post-apocalyptic worlds are often scary, dangerous, and wild places. But what if you could visit a post-apocalypse that took place entirely in a verdant Canadian park? Why, then you'd have poutine, all-dressed chips, and this week's movie! Join Tom and Ryan as they chat about a polite and gentle end-times, review the effectiveness of cloning, and take a long look at the commodification of women in our review of Survival Earth!   Time stamps: 0:03:38 - Background 0:15:35 - Film Summary 0:38:38 - The Good 0:42:35 - The Bad 0:53:10 - The Ugly 1:03:30 - Improvements

Sure, there have been plenty of adaptations of The Most Dangerous Game in cinema and television history. But imagine one with a wild new twist: it's boring! Join Tom and Ryan as they engage in a manhunt, build camera guns, and just miss finding each other dozens of times. You can also find out who the most forgettable lead actor in any of our films has been! Grab yourself a rifle and prepare to wander around L.A. as we review Walk the Dark Street!   Time stamps: 0:02:14 - Background 0:15:25 - Film Summary 0:36:45 - The Good 0:43:45 - The Bad 0:53:15 - The Ugly 1:10:30 - Improvements

They say flying is the safest way to travel, but if that's true then what's with all these demonic entities? Join Tom and Ryan as they review a supernatural horror movie set aboard a 747 where the scariest things are wind and mold! Listen in as they discuss cynical priests, the overuse of animal deaths, and hodge-podge religious references. William Shatner warmly invites you to our review of The Horror at 37,000 Feet!   Time stamps: 0:03:27 - Background 0:32:00 - Film Summary 0:56:50 - The Good 1:01:25 - The Bad 1:11:35 - The Ugly 1:23:25 - Improvements

Polar Vortex have you on ice? Need to warm up a little? Then come to the island where the temperature's hot and the aliens are gloopy! Join Tom and Ryan as they review a strange little 60s sci-fi horror film with some of the biggest names in British acting! Along the way we'll discuss infidelity, solving problems by blowing them up, and, of course, radioactive cauliflower. Things are heating up as we review Island of the Burning Damned!   Time stamps: 0:04:15 - Background 0:30:45 - Film Summary 0:56:00 - The Good 1:03:32 - The Bad 1:11:55 - The Ugly 1:23:28 - Improvements

Cryogenic freezing has been a sci-fi staple for a while, and it's easy to see why. Someone from our time is frozen and wakes up in the distant future of...one day later. And that's about all that happens in the 60s soap opera snoozer dressed up like a sci-fi film! Join Tom and Ryan as they watch scientific lectures, forget about the bullet in the chamber, and make a series of temperature-based puns! This isn't just Netflix and chill, this is Frozen Alive! Time stamps: 0:04:55 - Background 0:21:05 - Film Summary 0:45:40 - The Good 1:00:44 - The Bad 1:16:35 - The Ugly 1:26:05 - Improvements

It's that time of year again! The annual Schlockys are here, and Tom and Ryan have a boatload of bad films, characters, visuals, and moments from the past podcasting year to review and rank. Who will take home the coveted Worst Character award? Which visual was the most offensive to the eyes? And what moments set us off on furious rants? Find out all of that and more in the 2018 Schlocky Awards! Time Stamps: 0:03:38 - Film List and Categories 0:07:00 - Lifetime Achivement Award 0:09:52 - Worst Character 1:07:37 - Worst Moment or Line 1:52:14 - Worst Visual 2:04:30 - Best Moment 2:07:00 - The 10 Worst Films of the Year

It's the time of year to spread holiday cheer! And who better to spread holiday cheer than a steroid-using washed up racist wrestler by the name of Hulk Hogan? Join Tom, Ryan, and special guest Jess as they review a mid-90s Christmas movie mistake that everyone would just as soon forget. And don't fret, because they also talk about Brutus "The Barber" Beefcake, The Wolf of Wall Street, and the danger of candy canes as weapons. Cook up some reindeer meat and enjoy our review of Santa with Muscles! Time stamps: 0:05:25 - Background 0:44:35 - Film Summary 1:09:40 - The Good 1:13:55 - The Bad 1:25:10 - The Ugly 1:40:47 - Improvements

Freddy vs Jason. Alien vs Predator. Abbott vs Costello. There's a long and storied tradition of horror movie monsters duking it out in the cinema and leaving a trail of victims in their wake. It should be a simple formula, but as Tom and Ryan discover, it can go wrong in 1000 different ways! What Hollywood icons had this as their final movie? Why are there three different plots happening? Where should you turn if Dracula is giving you directions? Find out all this and more in our review of Dracula vs. Frankenstein! Time stamps: 0:04:50 - Background 0:33:30 - Film Summary 1:11:18 - The Good 1:13:55 - The Bad 1:24:11 - The Ugly 1:41:35 - Improvements

It's been a while since Tom and Ryan tried to watch a sexploitation film, and this movie is here to demonstrate why. Listen in as they discuss this moralizing relic and other topics of interest, such as high school productions of Guys 'n' Dolls, the demonization of sex work, and tombs (where people aren't alive). It's our review of The Wild and Wicked!   Time stamps: 0:02:26 - Background 0:15:10 - Film Summary 0:32:18 - The Good 0:36:35 - The Bad 0:46:00 - The Ugly 1:07:28 - Improvements

An icy tundra. A horrible monster. Paranoia and fraying relationships. No, it's not The Thing, no matter how much we wish it was! A giant beast is prowling the Swedish hills, and no one knows how to stop it. Tom and Ryan watch as the film wanders from genre to genre; in the meantime, they discuss American re-cuts, filming a twenty-foot-tall monster, fake Frank Sinatra, and the absence of John Carradine. It's our review of Terror in the Midnight Sun!   Time stamps: 0:03:50 - Background 0:19:25 - Film Summary 0:36:15 - The Good 0:47:35 - The Bad 0:57:30 - The Ugly 1:08:55 - Improvements

It's creepy and it's kooky, mysterious and...that's about it. It's our annual Halloween episode, and this time we watch a horror movie so impossibly bad, it's scary. A monster that looks like a rejected carpet store mascot has come to earth to consume humans! Who can stop this beast? Some soldiers? A man with a grenade? Tom and Ryan ask themselves these questions while reflecting on why this film deserves a place among the all-time worst movies ever made. It's...The Creeping Terror! Time stamps: 0:04:10 - Background 0:23:55 - Film Summary 0:39:30 - The Good 0:44:25 - The Bad 0:58:52 - The Ugly 1:08:50 - Improvements

When there's a villain who needs to be stopped, which international super-spy do you call in to do the job? ...Ok, well what if he's busy? ...Ok, well, eventually, somewhere down the list, you'll find the name Charles Hood. Join Tom and Ryan as they watch Mr. Hood deal in pornography, sightsee in Portugal, and treat women like dirt! It's all in the name of stopping a hardened criminaland his flying confessional. It's our review of Hammerhead! Hammerheeeeaaad! Hammerheeeeeeeeaaaaaaad! Time stamps: 0:03:30 - Background 0:30:53 - Film Summary 1:12:15 - The Good 1:17:44 - The Bad 1:28:35 - The Ugly 1:43:00 - Improvements

Part 2 of our 1984 action movie block absolutely sizzles with poor writing and a disjointed plot! What happens in a future where motorcycle gangs run rampant? The answer is: a whole lot and nothing at all! Join Tom and Ryan as they fly kamikaze model planes, read Insect Man #47, and determine how this movie compares to a grocery store cake. Stop jousting, take off those skull masks, and listen to our review of City Limits! Time stamps: 0:03:56 - Background 0:25:58 - Film Summary 0:48:21 - The Good 0:54:57 - The Bad 1:06:45 - The Ugly 1:21:40 - Improvements

We've got another crappy 80's action film on our hands, and this one doles out the pain in a meandering, lackadaisical fashion. A flamethrower and a welding mask do not an exciting movie make. Listen in as Tom and Ryan discuss an arms race of atrocities, the differences between dump-trucks and trash trucks, and post-apocalyptic gangs in modern-day settings. Vigilante justice is here in the form of our review of Exterminator 2! Time stamps: 0:02:40 - Background 0:30:12 - Film Summary 0:56:33 - The Good 1:04:52 - The Bad 1:13:18 - The Ugly 1:27:20 - Improvements

They're creepy, they're crawly, they want to suck your blood! No, not vampire-centipede hybrids...leeches! And they're all over this cheaply made swamp-stomping monster flick. Join Tom and Ryan as they investigate the right way to fish with dynamite, recoil at this movie's attitude toward women and the environment, and ultimately ask themselves what the heck makes for a movie becoming a "cult classic" anyway? Don't flip your canoe, it's our review of Attack of the Giant Leeches! Time stamps: 0:04:35 - Background 0:22:13 - Film Summary 0:41:39 - The Good 0:46:36 - The Bad 0:58:40 - The Ugly 1:14:15 - Improvements

Yeehaw, partner! Saddle up for a plot-light horse opera that's focused on the central theme of every good Western: fighting Japanese spies in the Philippines! Join Tom and Ryan as they chat all about the industrious David Sharpe (again), the terror of ventriloquist dummies, and the right way to merge the Marvel Cinematic Universe into Remember the Titans. So bring yourself AND your pony over and give a listen to our review of Texas to Bataan! Time stamps: 0:04:50 - Background 0:26:15 - Film Summary 0:55:10 - The Good 1:01:42 - The Bad 1:14:53 - The Ugly 1:30:15 - Improvements