Speculative Grammarian Podcast

On the Correct Usage of the Ellipsis; by Darius D. Dolesworthy, Otis Oswald Ott, and T. Thadeus Theotokopoulis; From Volume CLX, Number 2, of Speculative Grammarian, November 2010 — It has come to our attention that there are certain individuals associated with this otherwise reputable journal that appear to be ignorant of the rules regarding the proper usage of the ellipsis. In their ignorance they have proposed what they call a “⅔ Ellipsis” as a way of saving on printing costs. It is this proposition with which we at the BIGRAC must take issue. (Read by James Campbell.)

Ten New Commandments for Linguists; Transcribed from the original Stone Tablets by Trey Jones, et al.; From Collateral Descendant of Lingua Pranca, October, 2009 — As a Linguist, thou art an ambassador for the scientific study of Language and languages in the land of the monolingual naive speaker. Even though the monolingual naive speaker roll their eyes at thee and chastise thee as a word-obsessed fool and exalt their own native speaker competence, thou shalt proselytize the study of “Language with a big-L” whenever and wherever thou mayest do so, spreading the true word of descriptivism and railing against the evils of prescriptivism. Beware the Silver Tongues of Safiric Demons, and follow these, My commandments, forsaking all that may have come before. (Read by Trey Jones.)

Introducing.. The SpecGram ⅔ Ellipsis™©; by The Editors of SpecGram; From Volume CLIX, Number 2, of Speculative Grammarian, June 2010 — Introducing.. The SpecGram ⅔ Ellipsis™©—More than a Comma.. Less than a Semicolon!℠® (Read by James Campbell.)

The Typesetter’s Nursery Rhyme; by Author Unknown; From Volume CLXXII, Number 1, of Speculative Grammarian, January 2015 — soft hyphen, ­ hyphen, / a little break prefer... (Read by Jonathan van der Meer.)

The Ten Commandments; by Evan Smith; From Lingua Pranca, June, 1978 — The Ten Commandments: Linguistic Universals—A Finite Set of Rules from Infinite Wisdom, As Told To Moses by God. (Read by Trey Jones.)

Language Made Difficult, Vol. XLIV — The SpecGram LingNerds are joined once again by returning guests Jason Wells-Jensen and Tim Pulju. After some Lies, Damned Lies, and Linguistics, the LingNerds discuss tongue twister research and reveal their academic nightmares. Stick around for the outtakes to hear some “interesting” “musical” interludes and other fun stuff.

Language Made Difficult, Vol. XLIII — The SpecGram LingNerds are joined by returning guests Tim Pulju and Jason Wells-Jensen. After some Lies, Damned Lies, and Linguistics, the LingNerds discuss how to fake a language, and then contemplate ways in which English spelling, morphology, etc., could be revamped.

Language Made Difficult, Vol. XLII — The SpecGram LingNerds are joined by returning guest Hedvig Skirgård. After some Lies, Damned Lies, and Linguistics, the LingNerds see what comes out of their mouths after reading an article claiming awareness comes after speaking, and then they discuss various linguistical ideas—real and imagined—that are ready for retirement.

Language Made Difficult, Vol. XLI — The SpecGram LingNerds are joined by guest Hedvig Skirgård. After some Lies, Damned Lies, and Linguistics, the LingNerds go into denial about their own “fingerprint words”, and then flip the script with some descriptivist confessions.

The Nasal Tone: An Honest Tale; by Barb Tyd-Laika and Tessie Chopp Durnford; From Volume CLXVI, (166) Number 2, of Speculative Grammarian, January 2013 — One of our favourite places for a “Speculative-Grammarian–style” afternoon is at the home of our dear friend, Sir William Jones, XIV. At 94, he’s full of strange tales and bizarre first-person accounts of the adventure of his life, which includes migrations, linguistics, and more vodka than you can swizzle a stick at. His stories are characterized by his habit of using oddly distinct language and gesticulating wildly while ranting for hours on end. (Read by Les Strabismus.)

Evidential Complexity and Language Loss in Pinnacle Sherpa; by Keith Slater; From Volume CLI, Number 4, of Speculative Grammarian, October 2006 — Abstract / In this paper I describe an unprecedented situation of language loss: that which is found in Pinnacle Sherpa. The language has been completely lost by the oldest and middle-aged segments of the population, but is strongly maintained by the young. The loss is due to exponential increases in the complexity of the Pinnacle Sherpa evidential system, which have rendered older speakers unable to adequately indicate the source of information in their utterances. (Read by Keith Slater.)

UXⁿ: The Implications of Sampson’s Proof of Universal Science; by Bjorn-Bob Weaselflinger; From Volume CLIV, Number 1, of Speculative Grammarian, May 2008 — As this author has noted elsewhere, it is not uncommon in linguistics—just as in other sciences—for an observation with stunning implications for the field to go largely unnoticed; a researcher will advance an analysis to deal with a highly localized, recalcitrant problem without realizing that the analysis itself is a revolutionary advance. Some advances do draw attention, but the attention itself remains localized, and the wider significance of the advance isn’t recognized for quite some time. (Read by Trey Jones.)

Language Reviews; by Dr. P. Nonoir; From Volume CLIX, Number 3, of Speculative Grammarian, July 2010 — This month we asked avid SpecGram reader Dr. P. Nonoir, Professor of Oenological Linguistics at the Sorbonne, to review some of his favourite languages. (Read by James Campbell.)

A Yonge Philologiste’s First Drynkynge Poime; Author Unknown; From Volume CL, Number 1, of Speculative Grammarian, January 2005 — Whan that Apryl, with hir bosooms soote, / The draughtes of beere hath feched barefoote ... (Read by Jonathan van der Meer.)

Velum, Velum, Little Thing; by Phrançoise Phonétique; From Volume CLXVI, Number 2, of Speculative Grammarian, January 2013 — Velum, velum little thing. / How I wonder where you swing. / Up above the tongue so high, / Like a larynx in the sky. (Read by Les Strabismus.)

ODE TO ALCUIN; by Anonymous; From Volume CLVI, Number 2, of Speculative Grammarian, April 2009 — ALCUIN, O ALCUIN, YOU RENAIS- / SANCE-Y CAROLINGIAN BASTARD, / YOU HAVE GONE AND NEARLY DOUBLED / THE COUNT OF LETTERS TO BE MASTERED. (Read by Trey Jones.)

Spaz Attack in the Corner—Look! Look! I’m flying...; by Don & III; From Volume CXLVII, Number 3, of Speculative Grammarian, March 1993 — Linguistics: “Look! Look! I’m flying...” (Described by Keith Slater.)

Linguistics Nerd Camp—Small Talk; by Bethany Carlson; From Volume CLX, Number 4, of Speculative Grammarian, January 2011 — Surprisingly, Marty found that his small talk skills had actually declined during his summer at linguistics school. (Described by Keith Slater.)

The Dog Days of Summer—A Letter from the Nordic Editor; by Rötmånad Mätäkuu; From Volume CLIV, Number 4, of Speculative Grammarian, August 2008 — Welcome to the time of year when the seas boil, wine turns sour, dogs grow mad, and all creatures become languid, causing to man burning fevers, hysterics, and phrensies. Here in the Nordic countries, where we all speak English better (and with notably classier accents) than most so-called “native” speakers from North America, linguists fight off the heat-induced phrensies of the rotting months with a tall, cool glass of iced gløgg, and a refreshing, cool new issue of Speculative Grammarian. (Read by James Campbell.)

SpecGram, the Religion; by Margo T. Cip, A. M. Grössten, & Strčprst Kskrzkrk; From Volume CLXI, Number 2, of Speculative Grammarian, March 2011 — Linguists have always had several choices of deity—including Bloduwedda and her lot, or Θωθ, the pre-technological deity of computational linguistics—but there have never been any gods of satirical linguistics. However, on a recent data-diving expedition, we three junior SpecGram archivists have discovered that we are not as theologically lonely as we might have once thought. (Read by Trey Jones.)