Add Water And Stir: Women Of Color | Adoption | Foster Care | Parenting

On this episode of Add Water and Stir, the ladies welcome Whiskey, Wine and Moonshine’s Sojourner Verdad to discuss her 2016 initiative #SelfCareIs. They also debate Jennifer Cramblett’s lawsuit and her brush with unexpected and inconvenient blackness. Mimi and ABM wrap the episode with a hilarious exploration of ‘schnacks.’ Find show notes at www.addwaterandstirpodcast.com; Like us on Facebook at facebook.com/AWASPod; Tweet Us @AWASPod

On this episode of Add Water and Stir, the ladies finally sit down to talk about domestic infant adoption (DIA). According to a recent article in Adoptive Families, more than 18,000 newborns are adopted in the US each year. This represents about 13% percent of adoptions in the US,  the number of newborn adoptions have steadily declined since the mid-1970s as more birth families chose to parent.   DIA can be complicated as hopeful adoptive parents wrestle with costs, the match process, and interstate compact issues. DIA can also be beautiful as expanded families are created through open adoption. Jason and Yava, Team Java, are a young, professional African American couple who recently adopted a beautiful baby girl; they share their recent DIA experiences with Mimi and ABM on this episode of the show. Find show notes at www.addwaterandstirpodcast.com; Like us on Facebook at facebook.com/AWASPod; Tweet Us @AWASPod

On this episode of Add Water and Stir, it’s a belated Dad’s day! To date, in 44 episodes, we’ve only had 1 father on the show (Episode 39: The Changing Face of Foster Care), Daryn who is a foster father in NYC.  Most of the content out there focuses on the voice of women in the adoption triad--whether its birth mothers, adoptive mothers and women adoptees.  The father’s narrative is often minimal and frankly, rarely heard.   So, Al Coates, our UK friend of the Add Water family joins us on the show to talk about fatherhood, adoption and foster care, transracial parenting and a bunch of other stuff! Al blogs at Misadventures of an Adoptive Dad.and we are delighted that he’s helping us take Add Water and Stir abroad with our first international interview. Find show notes at www.addwaterandstirpodcast.com; Like us on Facebook at facebook.com/AWASPod; Tweet Us @AWASPod

On this episode of Add Water and Stir we explore our anxiety as parents as we prepare to send our children back to school. We talk about the need to manage ourselves as we manage our kids and their challenges.  School can be a really, really stressful place for kids from hard places. There are lots of new people, lots of adults with expectations, lots of work that isn’t always easy to do. Kids who have trouble can express a range of emotions and behaviors--some of which may be challenging and disruptive at home and at school. For our part as parents, sending our kids back to school can also be anxiety provoking. For us it can mean lots of emails and visits with teachers and lots of meetings with school staff--counselors, social workers, psychologists. There may be 504 screening meetings, IEP related meetings, and testing. We spend lots of time away from home or work and lots of time advocating for our children, who really would prefer we just advocated that they stay home. Find show notes at www.addwaterandst

On this episode of Add Water and Stir, ABM and Mimi explore finding virtual adoption support.  The groups are so helpful--they provide important perspectives from all members of the the adoption triad,  Despite how great online support groups are, they can also be places of pain, hurt, anguish and let’s face it, a bit of meanness.We welcome Dawn Davenport and Michelle Hughes to the show.  Both spend a good chunk of their lives working on issues related to adoption and both also are moderators for online adoption support groups--including Creating a Family: Talk about Adoption and Infertility, African-American Adoptive Family Members and Transracial Adoption Perspectives. Find show notes at www.addwaterandstirpodcast.com; Like us on Facebook at facebook.com/AWASPod; Tweet Us @AWASPod

On this episode of Add Water and Stir, Mimi and ABM had the opportunity to speak with Stacey, a foster mom and adoptive parent. Nine years ago, Stacey and her husband adopted a 4-year-old boy and a 14-month-old girl from an orphanage in a foreign country. Seven months into the adoption, Stacy began working with an adoption agency to dissolve the adoption and to find a new adoptive placement for her son. Stacey walks us through her family’s experiences, what led to the difficult decision and the implications for her son and the rest of her family.  In the Wind Down, we discuss the BET Awards, the Prince tributes and the amazing speech from the actor and activist, Jesse #StayWoke Williams. Find show notes at www.addwaterandstirpodcast.com; Like us on Facebook at facebook.com/AWASPod; Tweet Us @AWASPod

On this special episode of Add Water and Stir,  Mimi and ABM are revisiting the topic of adoption disruption and are joined by Beverly Clarke, Director of Project Wait No Longer at the Barker Adoption Foundation. Beverly passionately describes the need for parents to have reasonable expectations, to redefine success for their families and to commit to practicing self-care when things are particularly rough. This interview is so good, we decided to skip our regular shenanigans in the Wind Down and include our interview with Beverly in its entirety.   Find show notes at www.addwaterandstirpodcast.com; Like us on Facebook at facebook.com/AWASPod; Tweet Us @AWASPod

In recent months, it seems the number of zoo enclosure breaches have increased, but the recent death of Harambe, a silverback gorilla, has prompted a very hostile, very racialized discussion of parenting. Also, parents need self-care; Mimi and ABM confess self-care triumphs and fails and things we can do to nurture a commitment to self-care.  

The mission of our podcast is to give voice and visibility to families like ours who are typically not a part of the adoption conversation.   So we are pretty geeked that, today we have two foster parents that are affiliated with the Foundling, a New York based charity that empowers thousands of children and families to live independent, stable and fulfilling lives.   Our guests today are Stephanie Lopez and Daryn Eato, welcome to the Add Water and Stir Podcast May is National Foster Care Month in the US.  More than 400,000 children in the United States are in foster care; usually with the goal of being reunited with their birth families or being adopted. The families who provide safe and healing homes for foster children are a special bunch and on this episode of Add Water and Stir, ABM and Mimi take some time to explore one example of an NGO that provides support for foster and birth families. On the second segment, reveal their mutual ambivalence about Mother’s Day. The holiday triggers memories of persona

As mothers of two beautiful girls, Mimi and ABM have a front row seat to the blessings and the challenges to raising girls. The media can portray young black and brown girls to be mouthy, bossy, ugly and worse. On this show, the ladies talk about the secrets to raising strong black girls in the face of how the world views them. On the second segment, ABM and Mimi reveal their mutual ambivalence about Mother’s Day. The holiday triggers memories of personal loss, their children's’ losses and those of their birth mothers. Although they are grateful for the opportunity to be mothers, their respective journeys to motherhood shape the way they view the holiday devoted to this role.   In the Wind Down, Mimi and ABM reminisce about when they were little girls. Before you know it they are in a time machine back to when they were cheering and wearing church socks.   Find show notes at addwaterandstirpodcast.com;  Tweet Us @AWASPod

Parents often feel guilty about all kinds of things. We question whether we spent enough time with our children, whether we are able to provide enough opportunities for them, whether we are using the right kinds of consequences and motivators for our children. During this episode, ABM and Mimi talk about their own experiences with parenting guilt as well as adoption guilt. It turns out, that the guilt is tied very closely with shame and depression. The big takeaway? Go easy on ourselves and practice more self-care. On the second segment, the ladies discuss the use of respectful/positive adoption language (RAL). Prompted by a birth mother’s request not to be called BM in a social media support group and subsequently being accused of being “too sensitive,” ABM and Mimi explore adoption language and whether it really meets the needs of the community. Although RAL is designed to promote respect and dignity in the adoption community, this language has been criticized for being dismissive of unethical practices som

Both ABM and Mimi have written numerous times about their fears in raising their daughters in an environment that seems to devalue their lives because of skin color. On this episode, the ladies talk about discuss a recent episode of ABC’s Blackish entitled “Hope.” ABM and Mimi wrestle with some of the themes in the show and chat about what they are doing to address their own fears. On the second segment, the ladies welcome Sara Crutcher to the Add Water family. Sara recently published Heart Picked: Elizabeth’s Adoption Tale. Recognizing the dearth of adoption books featuring Black families and fulfilling her personal dream to write children's’ books, Sara tells the tale of a young curly haired girl named Elizabeth who is adopted into a same race family. The book is beautifully illustrated and an entertaining read for anyone. During the Wind Down, Mimi and ABM get their laughs on catching up on the hilarity that is Empire. They also debate whether Empire matriarch, Cookie Lyon is the archetype for mothering.

On the 35th episode of Add Water and Stir, Mimi and AdoptiveBlackMom discuss their celebrations of Black History Month.   The ladies discuss the need for cultural heritage/historical months; the relative absence of history for people of color is left out of the mainstream narrative. Mimi and ABM reminisce about singing Lift Every Voice and Sing, reciting MLK Jr. speeches and specially decorated bulletin boards at school. They discuss the need to embrace and teach Black history to provide children with lessons in inclusive history, as well as the need to provide children of color with narratives that include people who look like them. All families must be deliberate in teaching Black history since traditional schooling may not provide sufficient opportunities for such learning. The ladies wrap the segment with some of their favorite resources for teaching Black history to their girls. In the Wind Down, ABM and Mimi discuss Beyonce’s Formation video and Super Bowl performance and the countless think pieces insp

After a long holiday hiatus, Mimi and AdoptveBlackMom return in  the latest episode of Add Water and Stir to discuss their relative success at keeping their 2015 resolutions and their 2016 resolutions. Both ladies made progress in some areas and backslid in others. the first time they met their children after being selected as matches. For 2016 Mimi has goals for her family and her new life as a stay at home mom, while ABM is sticking with one theme, The Year of the Try. In the Wind Down, ABM and Mimi discuss the lack of diversity in the Oscar nominations and the Jada Smith/Janet Hubert drama related to #OscarsSoWhite. They wrap up the show with some listener feedback and recommendations. Find show notes at addwaterandstirpodcast.com;  Tweet Us @AWASPod

On the 33rd episode of the Add Water and Stir podcast, the ladies observe National Adoption Awareness Month and the #FliptheScript movement by featuring ABM’s daughter, Hope, as this week’s guest.   Hope talks about her time in foster care.  Having stayed in 7 homes in a four year period she’s a bit of a kid expert on foster care. She describes homes where she was treated well and felt safe, and homes where she just looked forward to being moved to the next home. She also talks about her life with ABM, and their struggles with placement.  Everything, everything, everything (!) was new and different and it was kind of hard and overwhelming. Hope drops the science on what she thinks prospective foster and adoptive families should know about foster kids. She also provides some advice and encouragement to other foster kids who need loving, permanent homes. Hope and ABM also discuss the support that first/birth families need to keep their families together and keep kids out of foster care. As she wraps up, Hope ur

On the last episode of their series, School Daze: What Foster and Adoptive Parents Should Know about Navigating the Educational System, Mimi and AdoptiveBlackMom discuss creating an environment where your child will thrive educationally and socially.  In the first segment, the ladies talk about the importance of extracurricular activities in child development. Kids need extracurricular activities--music, sports, and the arts among other things--to build social skills, improve executive function, and improve behavioral outcomes. So you go to all the activities, and your child is thriving.  You?  Not so much!   In the second segment ABM and Mimi talk about how new parents make friends?  How do foster and adoptive families find their parenting tribe?  Becoming a parent is a life changer that brings about numerous changes including, who you hang with on non-date nights.  So, how do you go about finding your new group of buddies who offer a compassionate ear, similar parenting approaches and advice, and well, who

On the 31st episode of Add Water and Stir, Mimi and AdoptiveBlackMom deliver the 3rd installment of their series, School Daze What Foster and Adoptive Parents Should Know about Navigating the Educational System. The ladies are joined by special guest Dr. Nicole who is an education expert for a deep dive into the world of Individualized Education Plans (IEPs), which most children in foster care and some adoptees require in order to meet their specialized learning needs. They walk through the process, detail what type of support and services are available and discuss ways for you to successfully advocate for your child.  Dr. Nicole also discusses how to manage parental performance expectations while still maintaining high academic standards for our children. Dr. Nicole also hangs around for the Wind Down and dishes with Mimi and ABM about the fall TV lineup and her “hall pass” crush! There’s lots of giggling during the segment that you don’t want to miss. Find show notes at addwaterandstirpodcast.com;  Tweet Us

On the 30th episode of Add Water and Stir, Mimi and AdoptiveBlackMom are on Week 2 of the special series, School Daze: What Foster and Adoptive Parents Should Know About Navigating the Educational System.  Their first topic is social media and the consideration for foster and adoptive families.  There may be rules regulating children’s images online and safety issues as well as the option to use social media to navigate open adoptions.  They share some preliminary data that was collected through their survey from the adoption community. The second topic focuses on their experiences with disclosing their adoption status to school administrators and under what circumstances this should be divulged.  Lastly, they talk about adoption-friendly homework and how biographical assignments can be problematic.  The assignments may trigger unpleasant memories; children can find them embarrassing as they wrestle with what to disclose about their family status and their identity, kids may also struggle with racial or cultu

On the 29th episode of Add Water and Stir, Mimi and AdoptiveBlackMom kick off the special series, School Daze: What Foster and Adoptive Parents Should Know About Navigating the Educational System.  Their first guest is Angela Harden, Supervisor of Training & Recruitment for Spaulding for Children, a not-for-profit agency in Houston, Texas that specializes in adoption, foster care and related services.   She joins the conversation to discuss how foster and adoptive families can prepare their children for school. Starting a new school can be a stressful for foster and adoptive children. They may have been moved quickly, be overwhelmed with emotion and have physical and emotional needs that require immediate attention. This can make very a pretty stress inducing scenario for parents as well. Angela walks the ladies through resources available to foster families who may need assistance with back to school shopping, the paperwork hurdles associated with registering kids in new schools and how to craft response

On the 28th episode of Add Water and Stir, Mimi and AdoptiveBlackMom spend some time dispelling myths about birth mothers. Birth mothers are often characterized as being destined to help infertile couples have children, being irresponsible in having an unplanned pregnancy or being drug addicts. There is much diversity among birth mothers and their reasons for deciding to place their children for adoption can be numerous and complicated. ABM and Mimi chat about several specific myths and a recent confession by a reality star that she is a birth mother who still very much loves her children.   In the second segment of the show, Mimi and ABM read their very first feedback letter; writer D asks about waiting for a match and getting more attention from his agency. Mommy blogs will be discussed on a later show. In the Wind Down, ABM and Mimi talk about the fall TV lineup and what they are looking forward to watching. Find show notes at addwaterandstirpodcast.com;  Tweet Us: @AWASPod; Email us: feedback@AWASPod.co