Stoic Coffee Break

How often do you take what other people say and do personally? How often do you feel like you have to “fix” someone else’s mood? Today I want to talk about emotional responsibility, and how it can lead a stronger sense of self and keep you from getting pulled into other peoples emotional mayhem.Not to display anger or other emotions. To be free of passion and yet full of love.—Marcus AureliusThe other day I was talking with my therapist about how I feel like I’m dealing with conflict a little better in my life. I was talking about how I was getting better about not trying to control or change other people’s emotions, and how that was very liberating. In doing so I’m able to just let them be annoyed or frustrated or upset with me without having to do anything about it. And she used a great turn of phrase, she said, “QTIP. You quit taking things personally.” I laughed because I’d never heard that before, but it was a great shortcut to keep that idea in mind. If we seek social status, we give other people p

The stoics teach us that we have control over a few things - our thoughts, our choices, and our actions. In short, our will. So is there a way that we can get better with our thinking, and improve our outcomes? Today I want to talk about a model that can help us be more aware of how our thinking impacts us, and with that awareness, improve our lives.You have power over your mind — not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.—Marcus AureliusEverything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth. Marcus AureliusOne of the most important things that the stoics teach us is that our thinking, one of the only things that we have control over, is one of the most important things in determining whether we are successful in accomplishing the things we want to in life, and ultimately what determines our happiness. Because we can only experience life through our own subjective experience, we are the ones that ultimately determine how we judge what happens to

Is it ever okay to hate someone as a stoic? Is there ever a time to have “righteous anger”? Today I want to talk about anger, hate and violence in our ever more divisive world.Ignorance leads to fear, fear leads to hate, and hate leads to violence. This is the equation.— Ibn RushdToday the world feels like it in chaos. Everything from political violence, war, and ethnic clashes to threats of violence and down right viciousness on social media. Alongside that, the sensationalist news media leading with crime and vilification of those with the “wrong” political opinions. We have politicians excusing and even encouraging violence against one group or another based on their race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, gender, or social status.  With all of this going on, it can at times feel like there is justification to be angry at some group or another. There is always someone else to blame as to why things aren’t going the way that you think they should. It’s easy to fall into this trap of declaring that if ever

An ignorant person is inclined to blame others for his own misfortune. To blame oneself is proof of progress. But the wise man never has to blame another or himself.— EpictetusHow you ever thought about how often we have judgments in our language? Are you even aware of how often we communicate our our opinions and feelings about others? What if we could remove judgments from our language? Today I want to talk about ways that we can make our language more clear, and increase our ability to communicate non-judgmentally with others.A few months ago I picked up a book called Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenburg. The idea behind nonviolent communication or alternatively what the author calls conscious communication is that there are many aspects of the way that we speak, and the way that we hear things that cloud communication with others.  There are many aspects of nonviolent communication, but the part that I want to focus on in the podcast is one idea in particular. That idea is if we could

Choose not to be harmed — and you won’t feel harmed. Don’t feel harmed — and you haven’t been.” —Marcus AureliusHow often have you been offended by someone? Maybe it was something someone said to you? Maybe they made a comment about your clothes or mocked something that you really liked such as your favorite football team or musician. Maybe it’s one of your siblings who always tries to put you down or get under your skin. Maybe someone on the internet posted a mean comment to a picture you put on social media. As much as the internet has been one of the greatest tools for learning, commerce, connection, and so many innovations, it still amazes me how awful people can be to each other just because someone holds a different opinion. I have seen people treat others in some pretty horrendous ways just because they had a sign or a t-shirt that was from an opposing political party. It’s as if they forget that there is another human being on the other side of that comment.What really frightens and dismays

Not to assume it’s impossible because you find it hard. But to recognize that if it’s humanly possible, you can do it too. — Marcus AureliusHow often do you find yourself starting something only to notice a few weeks or months later that you let it fall by the wayside? Today I want to talk about why we have trouble keeping commitments to ourselves, and some ideas about how we can get better about keeping those commitments.If you’re like me, you are always interested in improving yourself. Maybe that’s cutting down on your drinking or losing weight. Maybe it learning a new skill or starting a new business. There are all kinds of goals and things you want to do to enrich your life. We approach these things with gusto and excitement as we look forward to how much better our lives will be as we implement these changes in our lives.Fast forward a few weeks or months later and many if not all of those resolutions are just a distant memory. Our good intentions have given way to our default way of life, and we r

Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth. — Marcus AureliusToday I want to talk about one of the most interesting things about humans, the fact that we cling so dearly to our belief systems in face of contradiction evidence, often to our own detriment.Why do humans resist changing their minds, even in the face of overwhelming evidence? How often have you changed your opinions when presented with new facts? How often have you actually changed your behavior when you learned new information? How often to you rationalize your opinion or simply deny facts because they don’t fit your belief system? The human mind is a very malleable and flexible thing. It is because of this flexibility that we are able to survive in all kinds of environments and circumstances. Over time and through experience, we develop a belief system of how the world works. Much of this comes from the circumstances we grow up in. The culture around us, the family we are born into,

How much of our lives do we spend living in way to please other people? How much unhappiness do we feel in our lives because we’re not being ourselves? Today I want to talk about why it can be really hard to live authentically.“And this, too, affords no small occasion for anxieties - if you are bent on assuming a pose and never reveal yourself to anyone frankly, in the fashion of many who live a false life that is all made up for show; for it is torturous to be constantly watching oneself and be fearful of being caught out of our usual role. And we are never free from concern if we think that every time anyone looks at us he is always taking our measure; for many things happen that strip off our pretense against our will, and, though all this attention to self is successful, yet the life of those who live under a mask cannot be happy and without anxiety. But how much pleasure there is in simplicity that is pure, in itself unadorned, and veils no part of its character! Yet even such a life as this does run som

It does not matter what you bear, but how you bear it. — SenecaDo you think that life just happens to you? That you are simply a pawn in the game of life? Because there are so many things that we don’t have control over in our lives, it can be easy to fall into this kind of mental trap. The problem is that when adopt this kind of thinking, then we have placed an unhelpful filter through which we view everything that happens in our lives. While there is plenty of debate within the stoic community as to whether or not stoics are fatalists, meaning they believe that life happens as fate determines, I honestly don’t worry too much about it. If we are simply following out the plan of life that is predetermined for us, then there is really nothing we can do about it. If we aren’t and we actually do have freewill, then we should keep doing our best to live the best life we can. With that said, it can be easy to fall into the trap of feeling like life just happens to us, and that we have little to no c

Living on this planet with other people can be very challenging at times. If you’re like me, sometimes you have a strong difference of opinion with someone, and you end up in an argument and spend a lot of time and energy trying to change the other persons mind. We see this play out on social media as well where people spend a lot of time and energy trying to debate other people to get them to change. Watching this behavior in myself and others, makes me ask the question:Why do we spend so much time trying to change other people or expecting that other people will change for us?We know that we cannot change others, but there’s a part of us that wants the world to change for us. Our brain looks for threats and danger outside of ourselves in order to keep us safe. When we’re uncomfortable, it’s challenging to just sit with those things that are uncomfortable so we look for a cause outside of ourselves. Maybe we don’t like what someone else said, or we disagree with their opinion. We think that if the other pers

You have power over your mind — not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.—Marcus AureliusHaving a clear idea of what we can and can't control is the most fundamental principle of stoicism, and almost every other idea flows from there. This is also one of the easier concepts to understand, but so hard to actually implement.How do you manage to clearly divide what you can and can't control?---Hello friends! Thank you for listening.Stop by the website at stoic.coffee where you can sign up for our newsletter, and buy some great looking shirts and hoodies at the Stoic Coffee Shop. You can help support the podcast on Patreon.Lastly if you know of someone that would benefit from or appreciate this podcast, please share it. Word of mouth is the best way to help this podcast grow. Thanks again for listening.---Hello friends! Thanks for listening. Want to take these principles to the next level? Join the Stoic Coffee House Community!  Stop by the website at stoic.coffee where you can sign up fo

How ridiculous and how strange to be surprised at anything which happens in life. — Marcus AureliusHow often do you complain about the hard things in your life? How often do you find yourself disappointed that things don't turn out the way you think they should? Learning to accept what life sends our way is probably one of the most challenging things to do. But to wish for life to be other than it is, is to deny reality and to miss out on learning what life can teach us. ---Hello friends! Thank you for listening. If this podcast speaks to you, join us over in the Stoic Coffee House. The Stoic Coffee House is a community built around the ideas of stoicism and the Stoic Coffee Break  podcast.Also stop by the website at stoic.coffee where you can sign up for our newsletter, and buy some great looking shirts and hoodies at the Stoic Coffee Shop. Want to hear the whole intro song? Check out my alter ego on Soundcloud. Lastly if you know of someone that would benefit from or appreciate this podcast, pleas

Everyone faces up more bravely to a thing for which he has long prepared himself, sufferings, even, being withstood if they have been trained for in advance. Those who are unprepared, on the other hand, are panic-stricken by the most insignificant happenings. —SenecaStoicism is often seen as a tool to avoid emotions, but is this a good idea? How should stoics handle their emotions? In this episode, I respond to criticism in Psychology today that Stoicism is a fad and that it is a dangerous tool that promotes the repression of a emotion.Today's episode is about stoics and emotions. So earlier this week on reddit, in the stoicism subreddit, somebody posted a link to an article in Psychology Today called stoicism as a fad of philosophy. I decided to take the time to read the article and surprisingly I found that my podcast was mentioned in the second paragraph and called my podcast noncommittal, which I take as not an insult, but as very true about what I try to do with this podcast. I do my best to ta

Acceptance of OthersWhen you wake up in the morning, tell yourself: the people I deal with today will be meddling, ungrateful, arrogant, dishonest, jealous and surly. They are like this because they can't tell good from evil.— Marcus AureliusLast week I talked about accepting yourself for exactly who you are, including all the things you like and more importantly the things you don’t like about yourself. This week I want to talk about accepting others for exactly who they are. Amor Fati is the acceptance and the embracing of your fate, or what life brings your way. We usually think of applying this to just the events and circumstances of life, but have you ever thought of applying this to other people? For me I think of Amor Fati as loving everything in your life, especially those things that you don’t have control over, and one thing we don’t have control of is other people.I think we can see that most of the problems in our lives and throughout humanity have been one party tries to impose their will an

One of the hardest things for us to do, though it is one of the most important things we will ever learn, is to accept ourselves for exactly who we are. But when you decide to take this on and make it a priority, it can be one of the most life changing thing you can do."It never ceases to amaze me: we all love ourselves more than other people, but care more about their opinion than our own." — Marcus Aurelius---Hello friends! Thank you for listening. If this podcast speaks to you, please consider give a donation on Patreon at  https://patreon.com/stoiccoffeeYou can also find more episodes at https://stoic.coffee, and pick up some great looking shirts and hoodies at the Stoic Coffee Shop.Lastly if you know of someone that would benefit from or appreciate this podcast, please share it.Thanks again for listening.---Hello friends! Thanks for listening. Want to take these principles to the next level? Join the Stoic Coffee House Community!  Stop by the website at stoic.coffee where you can sign up f

An interview with Donald J. Robertson about his new graphic novel about Marcus Aurelius called Verissimus. We talk about all kinds of stoic history and the politics of his day.---Hello friends! Thanks for listening. Want to take these principles to the next level? Join the Stoic Coffee House Community!  Stop by the website at stoic.coffee where you can sign up for our newsletter, and buy some great looking shirts and hoodies at the Stoic Coffee Shop. Like the theme song? You can find it here from my alter ego. :)Find me on instagram, twitter, or threadsLastly if you know of someone that would benefit from or appreciate this podcast, please share it. Word of mouth is the best way to help this podcast grow. Thanks again for listening. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Forget everything else. Keep hold of this alone and remember it: Each of us lives only now, this brief instant.  —Marcus AureliusDon’t let fear, low self-esteem and the negative voices hold you back from your true destiny. —David GogginsOne of the hardest things for me, and I’m sure that many of you fall into the same category, is to know what you want and have the courage to go after it. There are plenty of reason why this happens, and for the most part it comes down to fear, and the two biggest are fear of failure, and fear of disapproval of others. Today I want to talk about some changes I’m making in my life, and how I’m facing these fears.First, I want to let you know that I’m putting the podcast on indefinite hiatus. While the podcast has been one of the greatest things I’ve created, it’s also helped me realize that I need to stop procrastinating on pursuing the things I really want to do. I need to face those fears, take those risks, and use my time in a way that will make me the happiest.Som

"When force of circumstance upsets your equanimity, lose no time in recovering your self-control, and do not remain out of tune longer than you can help. Habitual recurrence to the harmony will increase your mastery of it.”― Marcus AureliusOver the past few weeks, I've been thinking a lot about equanimity and how it may be the most important idea that the stoics came up with. And the more I look into it, the more I see that this is the one of the most important principles, and a foundation for being able to apply the other principles more effectively. We can also see how important this is in other traditions such as Buddhism, especially Zen Buddhism, also promotes the idea of calming the mind as one of the highest virtues. So why would this be the case? I used to think that equanimity was a byproduct of following stoic principles. That if you learned to control what you can, and let go of the rest, then you could find more peace of mind. But the more I dig into it, the more I find it is almost the o

Don’t explain your philosophy. Embody it. — EpictetusEvents in life mean nothing if you do not reflect on them in a deep way, and ideas from books are pointless if they have no application to life as you live it. — Robert GreeneThe hardest thing about any philosophy is being able to apply what you learn in real life. We can read all the books, watch all the videos, follow all the gurus, but until we actually apply what we've learned, all of that learning is worthless. Developing a practice of reflection and thinking deep about your life experiences and philosophy is a challenging endeavor, because it is often difficult to actually apply what we know. We know what we should and shouldn’t eat, but we struggle to eat a diet that is healthy for us. We know we should work out and keep ourselves in shape, but getting out of bed for the early morning run is not easy when you want that extra bit of of sleep.So how do we live our philosophy? How do we move past just book learning, and into application o

Everyone faces up more bravely to a thing for which he has long prepared himself, sufferings, even, being withstood if they have been trained for in advance. Those who are unprepared, on the other hand, are panic-stricken by the most insignificant happenings. — SenecaWhen you're in the midst of a challenge it's really hard to think clearly. It's hard sometimes to remember that this moment is just this moment and will not be forever. In this episode, I’m going to talk about how thinking longer term can help smooth out the day to day rough patches and help you stay more resilient.Short-term thinking makes people desperate, ungenerous, impulsive. Long-term thinking makes people calm, gracious, controlled.— The Stoic EmperorShort-term thinking is reactive, take no work, and often makes things worse. Short-term thinking is only focused on what you want in the moment. This can lead to being impulsive, reactive, and less of an ability to appreciate the consequences of your actions. Thinking short term means tha