Cocoon

“At some point, every woman needs to make peace with her uterus.” So says Liz Ostler, who has known since she was a child that she would be a mother. It was the fact she based many of her life decisions around, the hope that caused her to hold on to flagging relationships . . . and the thing that made her—again, her own words—”a crazy person.” Here Liz, single and nearly 40, opens up about why motherhood was and is so important to her and how she did “the work” to loosen her grip on that hope. And while she acknowledges that the circumstances of life may not always align just right for every woman who wants to be a mom to be one, she also knows that there are ways to create and grow and build life even without giving birth.

Before Nicole even had a chance to take a pregnancy test, her body was reacting strongly to the baby that had just begun to develop. She had a severe case of pregnancy sickness called hyperemesis gravidarum—which is definitely NOT morning sickness—that left her feeling like a shell of a person for virtually her entire pregnancy. Actually, both of her pregnancies. Why some women get so severely sick during pregnancy is a mystery. Another mystery: why our society is so slow to recognize that someone as sick as Nicole was—no matter the cause—needs help and support. Nicole says she felt that because her sickness was caused by pregnancy, people were less sympathetic than they would have been for other types of incapacitating illness. In fact, in some ways it seems important to separate the illness from the pregnancy, and the pregnancy from the motherhood, because hyperemesis definitely messes with society’s ideals and expectations of what pregnancy should be. And those, like Nicole, who fall on the outside

Today’s episode is an essay written and read by Lizzie Heiselt. It takes on the “all that matters is that you have a healthy baby” idea. For anyone who’s been told this, you know there’s not really a response to that. On some level, it’s true. Having a baby—let alone a healthy one—is something to be grateful for. But it doesn’t mean that sometimes there isn’t something to mourn, that there isn’t a sense of loss. And it doesn’t mean that we’re not entitled to feel those feelings. Lizzie takes one angle on that—gender, specifically—and, in conversation mentioned that it’s not exactly a “you get what you get and you don’t get upset” kind of situation . . . more like a “love the one you’re with” sort of deal. And of course you will love the one you’re with. Even as you mourn what might have been.

In the days after Gina gave birth to her stillborn son, James, she wrote a record of the event on her blog. It was a beginning of her mourning and rebuilding process and captures both the grief she was feeling at the time and the hope that she had that her life would be made better by James and her relationship with him—as brief as it was. (more…)

The full human experience includes this: pregnancy, birth, life, death. And if all goes well and normally, the pregnancy is 9 months, the birth takes a day or so, the life is decades long, and the death neither sneaks up nor hovers for too long. But the normal order is sometimes confused. The pregnancy is too short. The birthing process is unusually long. The death casts a shadow for months and even years. And sometimes, things happen in the wrong order. Death skips ahead and takes a life before it has even had a chance to be born. Gina tells us what it was like for her to be a mother in that situation, in having to say goodbye to her son before she really got to say hello. Spoiler alert: it’s pretty painful. Physically, emotionally, spiritually—lots of hurt all over. The interesting thing about Gina, however, is that she accepted that pain was part of the experience. Not something to hide from, not something to push away—something to notice and feel and walk with throughout her ordeal. Surprisingly—o

“Winter Fear” by Kay Ryan Is it just Winter or is this worse. Is this the year when outer damp obscures a deeper curse that spring can’t fix, when gears that turn the earth won’t shift the view when clouds won’t lift though all the skies go blue. There is an expectation with pregnancy that growing a life leads to glowing. The question, “How are you feeling?” is supposed to elicit maybe some talk about morning sickness, followed quickly by, “But we’re so excited.” The words “prenatal depression” are rarely heard, even in the rare case they are acknowledged by the expectant mom. Because if you don’t feel excited, well, then who are you? You’re could be one of the many, many women whose pregnancy experience—whose symptoms—include antenatal or prenatal depression, post-partum depression’s lesser known sister. It can be incredibly isolating to feel so sad at a time when you are expected to feel joy, to feel like the bleak midwinter has descen

Among her 5 children, Alanna Smith has had just about every type of childbirth experience you can have, and each one has left an impression and shaped her perspective. In episode 10 she shares the ups and downs of childbirth—and how, by the time she had her 4th baby, she found what she was looking for in a healthy birth. And it may not be what you expect. Her story includes frantic phone calls and late night pondering, lots of research and many prayers. There were difficult conversations and fights with doctors, and moments of insight and peace that sustained her through a controversial decision. Alanna’s experiences and conclusions are striking and full of hard-won wisdom. And they got us thinking about what it means to have a healthy childbirth. We often think of childbirth as a success if both mother and baby come through it alive and with a minimum amount of physical scarring. Forceps bruises will fade, C-section scars will heal. But there’s no accounting for emotional distress, feeling disre

In episode 8, Misty told us about how when she was 18, she was diagnosed with an auto-immune disease that made it a really bad idea for her to have biological children, and about the first few disappointments she and her husband went through as they pursued growing their family through adoption. In this episode Misty shares each of her children’s adoption stories—from the strength she witnessed in the birth mothers, to the harrowing moments when it looked like things might not work out, and the sad and joyful and confusing moments in between. And for those of us who are unfamiliar with adoption and don’t always know how to support adopting families, Misty points the way.

When she was 18 years old Misty Brough went from being a vibrant college freshman to being told that she was on the verge of death within a few hours. A year or so and many scans, surgeries, and treatments later, she was back at school, defying expectations and getting her life back on track. Then her doctor told her, “I don’t want you to bear children.” The risks and uncertainties—and the effects of the intense treatment she’d been through—made pregnancy a really, really bad idea. Adoption was her only option, so instead of going off birth control or having pelvic exams and hormone checks Misty’s path to motherhood started with paperwork, home studies, and background checks. And then the real work began. This is part 1 in a 2-part series on Misty and Jordan Brough and how they adopted their children.   Misty and Jordan are also the owners of Adoption Arts, where they partner with artists to create and sell adoption themed art.

You’re 17—young, in love, full of life and hope and possibility. And then you discover that you actually are growing a life, and it seems as though that love and hope and possibility fade away—or suddenly disappear. Gloria shares her experience finding her way through the betrayal, the heartbreak, and the early years of (very) young motherhood. And she talks about how she never wanted to make excuses for herself, but continued to work and build her life through it all. She also brings up important issues about the loneliness of being a teenage mom, about the need to suspend judgment and to extend charity, and to talk to young mothers not only about how they are feeling physically, but emotionally as well. They are so young, she says, so naive, and they may not yet know enough to realize how little they know.

It’s often the first thing we do for our babies when they emerge from our bodies: put them to our breasts and hope they know what to do. Sometimes it is that easy. And sometimes it’s not. Feeding your child is the most basic and fundamental way of caring for your baby. It speaks to issues like nutrition, bonding, and infant development—so it’s no wonder people get touchy, and pushy, about it. But breastfeeding also has to do with comfort, practicality, and, sometimes, doing the impossible. Scarlett and Brandilyn walk us through their experiences—one that was a living hell, while the other was just like heaven.

Two years ago, Suvi had a baby. He was her first and he was (and is) a beautiful, healthy boy, born from a healthy—but haunted—pregnancy. Many women experience fear during pregnancy: fear of pain, fear that something is wrong with the baby, even fear of death—their own or the baby’s. But not many women have actual first-hand experience with the realities of aternal mortality. Suvi does. And that experience brought her to a place where the cultural expectation of a glowing, happy, exclusively positive pregnancy just didn’t fit. She tells us about her fears, how she handled them, and what her experience has both cost her and given her.

Lots of us turn to writing when life gets tough. It’s a proven form of therapy and it let’s us understand and experience our emotions so that we can untangle them and—sometimes—make something beautiful with them. As Jodie was pregnant with Anna, and realizing that she was not going to be able to raise her, she wrote about her experience, her thoughts and her fears—and her love for Anna—in her journal. We share it with you and hope that it may help you find beauty and peace and hope even in the most difficult times.

You’re 20 weeks pregnant and it looks like something is wrong with the baby. How do you spend the rest of the pregnancy? Jodie and Adrian tell us how they handled a worst case scenario and came out of it feeling strengthened, loved, and grateful.

There is always hope that out of every difficult, painful experience, there is something good to be gained. Lizzie tells about her own losses and struggles and her hope that Cocoon Stories will help her—and others—find a silver lining. Listen in iTunes here.

Annie and Ben Howington share their experience of helping their daughter fight childhood cancer—and what it did to their family. We all have unexpected situations that come up in our lives—things that could change our plans and our goals forever. Maybe they do, and maybe they don’t, but we can choose how we respond and how much we let our circumstances shape our lives and our future. That’s what we learn from Annie and Ben. Listen in iTunes here.

Our first episode features Mary Jane Callister telling us how she’s handled two things that are both so common and yet so personal to so many women: the challenge of getting pregnant and starting a family, and the challenge of balancing your various passions once you become a mom. The struggle is real. We’d love to hear how you working to find balance in your own life—how you balance motherhood with your other passions.   p.s. You can see some of Mary Jane’s work here. p.p.s. You can listen in iTunes here.