Speculative Grammarian Podcast

On Saving Endangered Languages as Part of Doing Doctoral Research; by Albertrinette Q. Yue-Ramirez; From Volume CLXIV, Number 4, of Speculative Grammarian, June 2012 — Searching for a dissertation topic gives one an abundance of time for introspection. And watching old TV programs. Personally, I get my jollies through archived episodes of The Brady Bunch, Gilligan’s Island, and Hogan’s Heroes. Those were great shows, let me tell you. Can’t get enough of them! (Read by Zac Smith.)

Ozymandian semicolon.. lying in the sand.. An Ode to the Two-Dot Ellipsis..; by J.. K.. Eats..; From Volume CLXV, Number 2, of Speculative Grammarian, August 2012 — Thou still incomplete bride of punctuation.. (Read by Trey Jones.)

The Traditional Grammarian as Poet; by Ted Hipple; From Volume CLXVIII, Number 1, of Speculative Grammarian, September 2013 (Read by Trey Jones.)

Paramount Seeks To Leverage Linguistic Capital; by SpecGram Wire Services; From Volume CL, Number 3, of Speculative Grammarian, July 2005 — Attempting to leverage the success of its Klingon monopoly, Star Trek owner Paramount Pictures has been making aggressive advances on the world’s minority languages. Offers for majority ownership of such diverse languages as Eastern Yugur, Basque, and Mofu are reported by knowledgeable sources as running well into the tens of millions of US dollars. (Read by Keith Slater.)

Language Death by Speaker Rejection—More Case Studies; by William Carlos Williams Carloses Williamses; From Volume CLXV, Number 2, of Speculative Grammarian, August 2012 — In a previous article I introduced a new mechanism of language death: that by which languages actively reject their speakers, rather than the other way around. I have discovered a number of additional examples of this phenomenon, and I summarize them here. (Read by Trey Jones.)

On Some Acoustic Correlates of Isoglossy; by Robert L. Rankin; From Lingua Pranca, June, 1978 — At the very end of Anton Chekhov’s play The Cherry Orchard there is a reference to a peculiar sound. (Read by Cathal Peelo.)

Language Death by Speaker Rejection—A Few Case Studies; by William Carlos Williams Carloses Williamses; From Volume CLXV, (165) Number 1, of Speculative Grammarian, July 2012 — Much recent work has focused on the death of languages worldwide. Such sad events are almost invariably attributed to a conscious decision by the speaking population to reject their language in favor of some more prestigious tongue, often in pursuit of the opportunities for education and economic advancement that the prestigious language seems to offer. (Read by Trey Jones.)

The European Dialects of Cheese; reviewed by Ms Carpone; From Volume CL, Number 3, of Speculative Grammarian, July 2005 — This comprehensive study of European Cheese dialects contains chapters on historical reconstruction, olfactory linguistics, politics, dialectology and geography. The authors carried out extensive field and cellar research, investigating far flung Swiss cottages, Welsh valleys and French chateaux to collect the necessary data to compile this encyclopaedic tome. (Read by Keith Slater.)

Tridekavalent Verbs of Telenovelity in Mydlováskji; by Śūnyatā Qoɣusun; From Volume CLIX, Number 1, of Speculative Grammarian, May 2010 — This summer I set out to do some introductory fieldwork on an endangered minority language in Mexico of possibly Slavic origin, called Mydlováskji by its speakers, and referred to as simply “lengua eslávica”, “Slavic language” or “lengua Ruski”, “Russian language”, by the local Spanish-speaking majority population. My efforts were thwarted by the fact that the men and women of the barrio in which the majority of Mydlováskji speakers live engage primarily in two activities: working on off-shore oil drilling platforms, and watching telenovelas. While potential informants are engaged in either of these activities it is not really possible to do much in the way of productive fieldwork, though one extremely unusual feature of Mydlováskji did present itself during my time in Mexico. (Read by Trey Jones.)

The Original Language of Winnie-the-Pooh; by Aureliano Buendía; From Volume CXLVIII, Number 4, of Speculative Grammarian, March 1998 — The text known in English as “Winnie-the-Pooh” occurs in dozens of different languages. Scholars have long debated the question of what was the original language of composition. One of the most popular hypotheses has been that the original text was written in English. The present paper will use textual evidence to demonstrate the impossibility of that hypothesis and to suggest a more likely candidate. (Read by Mark Brierley.)

Davie Dunnit’s Disparaging Dictionary; Advertisement; From Volume CLXVI, Number 2, of Speculative Grammarian, January 2013 — Davie Dunnit’s Disparaging Dictionary — Practical Prescriptivism at its Finest! (Read by Trey Jones.)

Dates in the Month of May that Are of Interest to Linguists; by James D. McCawley; From Lingua Pranca, An Anthology of Linguistic Humor, June, 1978 — May, the month in which Goodspeed day is celebrated, by recently established tradition, can be seen from the following to be a linguistically auspicious month. (Read by Brianne Hughes.)

Review of John Stuart Mill and the Temple of Doom; by Vervet Vandiver Vanlandingham-Vanderveer; From Volume CLXVII, Number 3, of Speculative Grammarian, June 2013 — This weekend I went to see the new high-spectacle action-adventure film, “John Stuart Mill and the Temple of Doom”. While the special effects were noteworthy, I was most impressed by the reflorescence, if not recrudescence, of Hollywood linguistics. Intended as a high-brow response to the recent Sherlock Holmes movies, this film begins with the hero recovering from his once-famed nervous breakdown by defeating Tennyson in a poetry slam during the Great Exhibition; while the rest of the audience thrilled to the CGI recreation of the Crystal Palace, I was enthralled by the fast-paced exchanges of Cockney and Geordie in iambic pentameter—truly a treat for our culturally denuded age! (Read by Mark Brierley.)

Everything psychologists wanted to know about linguistics but were afraid to ask; by Herr Prof. Dr. Harold Twistenbaum; From Volume CLXV, Number 3, of Speculative Grammarian, September 2012 — Where’s linguistics? / Linguistics is a branch of psychology, which is a branch of biology, which is a branch of digital electronics. (Read by Declan Whitford Jones and Trey Jones.)

The Speculative Grammarian Survey of Grammar Writers—Phonology; by Morris Swadesh III; From Volume CLXVII, Number 1, of Speculative Grammarian, April 2013 — Introduction / For the past 40 months, Speculative Grammarian’s Office of Linguistic Documentation has conducted an extensive survey of linguists who have published descriptive grammars. Over 600 grammar writers responded to our extensive questionnaire, covering all areas of data-gathering, analysis, theory, and the processes of writing and publishing. (Read by Tuuli Mustasydän.)

The Sociolinguistic Impact of Hippie Linguist Naming Practices; by ɹɒbɪn O’Jonesson; From Volume CLXIII, Number 2, of Speculative Grammarian, November 2011 — There is little discussion in the literature concerning the social and psychological effects of the distinctive and unusual names given to children by their hippie parents, such as Moonbeam, Peacekarma, Ryvre, Starchild, Redpony, and so many more. Even less attention has been paid to the naming practices of the particular sub-culture of hippie linguists, who advocated for free morphemes in the 60’s and gave their children names such as Monophthongbreathstream, Pronouncopula, Rezonator, Asteriskchild, Redponymy, and Noam. (Read by Trey Jones, Mairead Whitford Jones, and Joey Whitford.)

Philologer’s Kvetchwhinge 32; by Athanasious Schadenpoodle; From Volume CLXVI, Number 4, of Speculative Grammarian, March 2013. (Read by Brianne Hughes.)

O Socio, Socio! Wherefore art thou Socio?; by Thomas Basil Callan Bernstein-Hodson; From Volume CLXVI, Number 4, of Speculative Grammarian, March 2013. (Read by Brianne Hughes.)

Texan for Linguists; by Katy Jo Parker and Truman ‘Tex’ Beauregard; From Volume CLXI, Number 3, of Speculative Grammarian, April 2011 — This article is not about the descriptively interesting linguistic features of Texan dialects of English (such as incipient “fixin’”, singular “they”, modal stacking, second person plural “y’all”, “ain’t” and “cain’t”, “bidness”, “coke” for “soda”, etc.) nor is it about any of the interesting Spanish-related linguistic phenomena in Texas (such as “Spanglish”, Chicano and Tejano English, code-switching, or Pachuco slang). (Read by Trey Jones.)

Adaptive Heuristic Caching in Name Recall; by Trey Jones; From Volume CXLIX, Number 1, of Speculative Grammarian, January 2004 — This paper will present a brief case study and provide data pertaining to an apparently inconsistent linguistic behavior concerning name recall. This inconsistency will be resolved by means of a novel computational explanation for the phenomenon. (Read by Trey Jones.)