Speculative Grammarian Podcast

Language Made Difficult, Vol. XXXI — The SpecGram LingNerds go it alone in this episode. After some Lies, Damned Lies, and Linguistics, the LingNerds discuss word aversion and random interesting linguisticky factoids.

Language Made Difficult, Vol. XXX — The SpecGram LingNerds are joined yet again by Madalena Cruz-Ferreira. After some Lies, Damned Lies, and Linguistics, the LingNerds discuss a prescriptive terrorist, and our favorite SpecGram articles.

Language Made Difficult, Vol. XXIX — The SpecGram LingNerds are joined again by Madalena Cruz-Ferreira. After some Lies, Damned Lies, and Linguistics, the LingNerds discuss a proposal for a new character for "the", and reflect on the coolest features English could have.

Remembering Better Times; by Herbert Theodore Howlingstonshire, XII; From Volume CLXIII, Number 4, of Speculative Grammarian, January 2012 — It wasn’t long ago that the editors and staff of Speculative Grammarian could be found enjoying a snifter of brandy and a fine cigar in the Henry Suite of the Pāṇini Memorial Hall and Arcade in genial collegiality (or collegial geniality). Back in those days, we would gather together and pass the stogie and snifter around and chat about the golden days of antiquity: when spectrograms were measured manually, and a linguist commanded respect, whether it be in his office, in the lecture hall, or even the local speakeasy. (Read by Tuuli Mustasydän.)

SpecGram Suzie!; by Psammeticus Entertainment; From Volume CLIII, Number 4, of Speculative Grammarian, March 2008 — Psammeticus Entertainment proudly presents... SpecGram Suzie! (Read by Trey Jones and Sheri Wells-Jensen.)

Frog and Toad Teach Linguistics; by Keith Slater and illustrated by Kean Kaufmann; From Volume CLXIII, Number 2, of Speculative Grammarian, November 2011 — Frog was sitting in his office. He looked at his watch. He saw that it was 10:00. “This is a fine time for a morning coffee,” said Frog. “I will invite Toad to join me in the faculty lounge.” (Read by Keith Slater.)

Riches of Embarrassment; by The Managing Editor; From Volume CLXVII, Number 4, of Speculative Grammarian, August 2013 — Every young, eagerly partying Facebook user has, at some point, woken up one morning to discover that they have posted online an ill-conceived and spectacularly embarrassing series of photos, drunken rantings, or worse. What, you may ask, would be the analog for a staid and proper philologist of the early 15th century? (Read by Trey Jones.)

The I in Team; by The Managing Editor; From Volume CLXVI, Number 4, of Speculative Grammarian, March 2013 — The writers of business books, corporate cheerleaders in HR, and other reprobates like to say that “There is no I in team,” meaning, of course, that every team member should put aside their own ego and pull for the common good. It’s a lovely sentiment—if you prefer your sentiments with a healthy dose of treacle—but it is, among many other unpleasant characteristics, ambiguous. (Read by Trey Jones.)

To the Computational Linguists; by The Managing Editor; From Volume CLXV, Number 3, of Speculative Grammarian, September 2012 — First, why isn’t there more Computational Philology out there? Okay, I know no one is going to actually answer that, and most computational linguists don’t even know that Computational Philology exists. Kids these days—no respect for their elders, and no knowledge of the classics! (Read by Trey Jones.)

Linguistic Cocktails; by The SpecGram Mixologists; From Volume CLX, Number 3, of Speculative Grammarian, December 2010 — Interest in cocktails has had a resurgence lately, with people trying new combinations and reviving forgotten blends. We shouldn’t forget the long history the grand subfield of Mixological Linguistics has. Here is a mix of old favorites and new delights. (Read by Trey Jones.)

The Assumption of Slang; by Jonathan “Ði ’Phone” van der Meer; From Volume CL, Number 4, of Speculative Grammarian, October 2005 — It will come as no surprise to anyone to hear that cliquish groups—such as gangs, glee clubs, and various academic fields—seek group-defining language to set themselves apart from the rabble. The motivation, however, is so strong that these groups will manufacture such language if none exists, and will retro-fit existing language (eg, fat → phat) or even mistakes (teh, pwned) to create other-excluding in-group language. (Read by Jonathan van der Meer.)

Public Service Announcement; by The Ministry of Silly Sounds; From Volume CLXVI, Number 1, of Speculative Grammarian, November 2012 — The Ministry of Silly Sounds wishes to inform the public that the following sounds have been collaboratively developed in EU laboratories or successfully replicated from aberrant non-major languages. All of them will soon be released to the public and thus become available for borrowing or wholesale phonological restructuring projects. As some sounds may have detrimental effects on either speakers or speaking targets, a modicum of caution is suggested. Select sounds are tentatively scheduled for official promulgation and may be required in future dialects of English. (Read by Trey Jones.)

An Apology to Mathematicians; by Yahya Abdal-Aziz; From Volume CLVII, Number 2, of Speculative Grammarian, September 2009 — It has been brought to our attention that the ‘Lettres to the Editour’ in the special “Canada Day” edition of SpecGram, Vol CLI, No 3, is an imperfect translation of the ‘Letters to the Editor’ to be found (cunningly!) on the same page. (Read by Tuuli Mustasydän.)

The Hidden Language of Public Seduction—An Anthropological Linguistic Study of Spanyol; by Claude Searsplainpockets; From Volume CLIII, Number 1, of Speculative Grammarian, September 2007 — Earlier this year, in preparation for fieldwork in Mozambique, Chad, and Japan, I decided to review some Spanish-language pedagogical audio materials. As I was listening intently and re-acquainting myself with this beautiful language, I was quite surprised to hear many seemingly innocuous phrases presented with a tone of voice that would normally only be appropriate in a love song by Barry White. I wondered, why did the “native” speaker’s pronunciation of “uno, dos, tres” make me feel oddly hot and bothered? (Read by Claude Searsplainpockets.)

The Original English Movement; Announcement; From Volume CXLIX, Number 3, of Speculative Grammarian, July 2004 — For decades descriptive linguists and professional prescriptivists—technical writers, editors, and English teachers—have been at war. As most linguists know all too well, the prescriptivists say that descriptivism is at best a weak philosophy of usage, and at worst an invitation to grammatical chaos. However, too many prescriptivists maintain what is, to descriptivists, an illogical position: language should not change—or at least not until all the opponents of a particular change are long dead. (Read by Trey Jones.)

Review of “The Semantics and Pragmatics of Voice Systems: A Functional Analysis”, by Carrie Cameron; by Zoltan Lazar; From Volume I, Number 2, of Babel, April 1990 (Read by Keith Slater.)

A Review of Wailin’ Jennings’ “Mommas Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Linguists”; by Praenomen Gentilicium Cognomen, Esq.; From Volume CLXV, Number 2, of Speculative Grammarian, August 2012 — Well-known kʌn.trɪ.n.wɛs.tʌrn star Wailin’ Jennings—son of famed rhotacism and blues crooner Moanin’ Jennings and grandson of beloved buggie-wuggie icon Hollerin’ Jennings—has released a groundbreaking new album. (Read by Trey Jones.)

People with Lack of Original Research Ideas (PLORI); Advertisement; From Volume CLXVIII, Number 4, of Speculative Grammarian, December 2013 — People with Lack of Original Research Ideas in Linguistics (PLORI), is a national support group for postgraduates and early-career researchers in the broad field of linguistics who are affected by the negative psychosocial, physical and academoprospective effects of Lack of Original Research Syndrome (LOR-Syndrome). (Read by Tuuli Mustasydän.)

Recision and Precall—Accuracy Measures for the 21st Century; by Jonathan van der Meer; From Volume CLII, Number 4, of Speculative Grammarian, July 2007 — Thanks to a decades-long case of physics envy and the advent of cheap computational power, linguistics has devolved from a cultured gentlemen’s pseudo-science into a debased money-grubbing quasi-science. (Read by Jonathan van der Meer.)