Those Damn Ross Kids

Wherein those damn Ross kids talk about emotional needs, anthropology, and air travel. Suggested Talking Points: Story roll call. Vodka gummy bears. Teacher abuses special needs student. Millionaire janitor fired. Santa fired. Sleep texting. First cousin snubbed, stabbed. Black Friday Mercenaries. Man kills, eats, bobcat. In-flight porn. Science Zone: Bestiality linked to penis cancer, and colored plates. Lincoln’s copper sword swiped by meth heads. Gold Cheese.

Wherein those damn Ross kids talk about discipline, body disposal, and ad hoc cosmetic surgery. Suggested Talking Points: WhyDaddyDrinks.info. No Greater Joy Than Hitting Your Kids. Katana Alert: Spurned Love. Werewolf sex. Emily Post for the modern age. The Science Zone: Big Birds and Mighty Mice. Apparently we don’t believe in colored poster board anymore. Spanish Graveyard Magic. Atlas Recalled. Beer trap. Mexican prison party. Fill this butt with cement.

Wherein those damn Ross kids talk about inappropriate jokes, failed technologies, and their academic struggles. Suggested Talking Points: Sound collage. Reinfecting our tongues. Offensive joke. Juggalo story. Psi ops against an arabic used car dealer in Virginia. Pizza wars. Telepathic Sister Wives. Science Zone: Are alien encounters manufactured by the human mind? Dream talk into Nick at Nite. Sex walk. Google Voice scam. Et tu, Inkjet? School stories. Laser eyes. A list of cheeses. Become one with the horse. Bold declarations re: pony play. Lego Man.

Wherein those damn Ross kids talk about gangs, population control, and revenge. Suggested Talking Points: Running for mayor. We’re sick. The Corduroy Savior. Juggalos classified as a gang. The LARP King’s Lap Cat. Man sues to have photographer recreate his failed wedding. Buzz saws, Fastball, and Heathcliff. Man murders wife for destroying Star Wars collection. Quiz: Spot the Fake Hunting Term. Acid gummy bear dog murder. Too Many Asians. Accidental sibling marriage. Piss Tube. Prostitute thrown out hotel window.

Wherein those damn Ross kids talk about Big Foot, alchemy, and dance troupes. Suggested Talking Points: I hit a bat with my car. Japanese nurse tears out toenails. Woman claims to feed a family of Big Foots. Pastor: masturbating is homosexual. Getting medieval on your daughter. Man lives solely on road kill. Absolutely Ridiculous Burger. Halloween gag gone wrong. The Tapscallions. Alchemy to turn feces into gold. Diet affects sperm viability. Science Zone: 4 inch amoebas in the Mariana Trench. Cash outlawed in Louisiana.

Wherein those damn Ross kids talk about animal rights, amateur eye surgery, and primitive social networking. Suggested Talking Points: Axel Foley Artist. Baby X. PETA porn. Taco ID, Taco Wallet. Stolen bridges, stolen hydrants. Man rips his own eyes out. Man uses finger to keep himself from being shot. The Bee Defense. Dog commercials. Don’t check my receipt. Message in a Bottle. Kris’s Kole impression: Text Neck. Is being buried alive a universal fear?

Wherein those damn Ross kids talk about unemployment, metal music, and gold. Suggested Talking Points: Are we recording? The Midnight Society. Why naked? Why not? Third place: You’re fired. Boo Boo Prius and the Ice Road Murderer. The Science Zone: Fish Tools. Denmark’s Fat Tax. Quiz: Military or Metal? Fake women. Fakegirlfriend.co. Ice cream cone or Klansman? Voicemail: A Big Tub of Dicks. Loko Labeling. Solid gold vending machine. Trainpottying.

Wherein those damn Ross kids talk about public services, church, and prison. Suggested Talking Points: Magneto. Kole’s rush. Santa Shawn. Firetruck porn. Dollar General beer. Go to church or go to jail. Weekend at Bernie’s 3. Wedding Crasher prank. The Brazillian patriarch. Two wombs (Twombs). Venezuelan prisons are gang playgrounds. MRI brainvision.

Wherein those damn Ross kids talk about their anniversary, hobbies, and medical breakthroughs. Suggested Talking Points: Stop quoting me. Kris’s sundry discarded hobbies. Feeder Mommy. Seasteading. Dude or Not-a-Dude? What’s Facebook more important than? Science Zone: Cancer-Killing Virus. 1000 bees kill a 1000 lb hog. Devil Child and the Little Chuck Liddell. Show and Tell Crack Pipe. Taco Shell.

Wherein those damn Ross kids talk about global clowns, Lifetime movie concepts, and missing children. Suggested Talking Points: Moon medicine. A fashionista dies before his time. Satellite may crash into earth. Marriage on the Rocks. Killed by McDonald’s Smell. Killed by a hurricane? A dusty fairy. Fetal Alcohol Syndrome Awareness Day. Outback babytini. How not to potty train. The Wal-Mart Scooter Heist. F-cup Grandma. Baseball burger injury. King crab invasion. Global Clowns. Drunk moose on the loose.

Wherein those damn Ross kids talk about cake programming, Ayn Rand, and surprise orgies. Suggested Talking Points: Thesaurus. 9/11 cakes. Stoner Ave. Gumby, dammit. The Pamper’s Indicator. Gas station restroom apology purchase. Surprising causes of depression. Spaghetti Night! The Atlasphere: A dating site for fans of Ayn Rand. Curing eating disorders with sex toys. Ben and Jerry’s Schweddy Balls. Surprise orgy Craigslist ad. A surprising case of personal arson.

Wherein those damn Ross kids talk about new equipment, old people, and taxation. Suggested Talking Points: A bear named burden. New equipment and the Tickle Me Elmo Spirit Award. A sandbox for adults, a playground for adults. Vampire Cruise. Boom box ruins days. Also, round bombs? The deadliest jobs. New Texas speed limit leads to time travel. AARP’s list of do-not-do’s. Panty road. Crossbow attack. Katana attack, and cereal buzz marketing. Excuse me, sir, this iPad is a block of wood. Alkaline hydrolysis. Bank of America harasses grieving woman. A dissertation on smurf society. U mad, bro? The no-helmet league. Runaway clown in a stolen golf cart. Tax the prostitutes. Defriendant. Blue-balling Beetlejuice.

Wherein those damn Ross kids talk about genetic engineering, body image, and the digerido. Suggested Talking Points: Word pairings. Shit for distance. How he wanted to go: crushed by a tractor. Schroedinger’s septic truck. Bull semen shuts down highway. Bulletproof skin and the Spider-Goat. The Golden Gate Net. American Apparel is looking for The Next Big Thing. The great yogurt kidnapping. Social networking and drugs. Drink this fracking fluid. Diamond Planet. The digerido cures snoring. Chocolohic fish. Jumblery. Pizza Roll thermodynamics.

Wherein those damn Ross kids talk about extreme coupling, breaking up, and flash mobs. Suggested Talking Points: Too drunk for a demolition derby. Deep fried burger. The best (worst) neighbor. If you’re driving shirtless, you’re guilty. Extreme couponing and newspaper theft. Tomes of bigotry. Free burrito summer. Home circumcision. The Rosses formerly known as brothers. The King is gone, but he’s not forgotten. The Bite Counter. The soon-to-be fattest woman on Earth. Machine Gun Kelly brings the rage back. Beau the Math Dog. Explosions in the Sky show cancelled due to 9/11. Condom-filled acorns. Fisherman catches a SCUBA diver.

Wherein those damn Ross kids talk about the new 911, autobiographies, and Amish romance. Suggested Talking Points: Where is Kole’s new studio? Africa. Can I sext 911? Sales tax holidays. Quiz: Warrant song, Celebrity Autobiography, or Fake? Wherein Kris tries to make fistulas funny. Urine therapy and the piss ghost. Ghouls addicted to death dust. The worst thing you’ll ever hear. Like father like son. Bonnet rippers. Mannequin Hunt. Trojan t-shirts.

Wherein those damn Ross kids talk about Buddhists, energy drinks, and sitting down to pee. Suggested Talking Points: The most depressing conveyance. Buddhists save lobsters for karmic multipliers. Here’s your medal, now where’s my $20? Sneak Some Zucchini Onto Your Neighbor’s Porch Day. Brazilian Heterosexual Pride Day. Man arrested for smashing atoms at home. Chinese dead baby pills. No more entertainment bears. Tanks for not parking here. An energy drink named “Pussy.” Blind woman tackled for her parrot. Jeff Daniels is Warren Jeffs. Those Damn Ross Kids Exploitation. Weird water. I’m here to rob you and introduce your girlfriend to your wife. I sit down when I pee.

Wherein those damn Ross kids talk about snack frustrations, sewage systems, and parasites. Suggested Talking Points: Relax. Three and a Half Hours. The Amazing Time Traveling Doctor. Nurse puts patient photos on Facebook. Obvs. The awesomest troll in training. Owling. Sperm sniffing dog. Exploding manholes in Rio. Quiz: Spot the Fake Cue Sport Term. Bang Bus petting zoo, Cash Cab manslaughter. The Science Zone: Animal/Human Hybrids. The Science Zone Mk. II: Keeping up with the parasites. My name is visible from space. The naked motorcyclist. Santa Olympics. Ear obstruction.

Wherein those damn Ross kids talk about hygiene, tickling, and ball bearings. Suggested Talking Points: Re: The Woodchipper. Meta. Customer service. Child pornographer gets unlimited access to child porn in prison. Mom cleans kids with pool chemicals. Restaurant bans kids. Bear owner dies bizarre sex death. Sex dolls of the Third Reich. Spot the Fake Collective Noun for Birds. Kool Aid Fantasies. 35 lbs of human vomit. Tickle Therapy. Major League. Google Maps got it wrong. Google Says. The chewing gum painter. Taco Bell “I Quit” sign. Alpha male baboons are stressed out. Ladyboy Johnson.

Wherein those damn Ross kids talk about hypnotism, space, and prison. Suggested Talking Points: Get a towel. Drunken puppy pickup ban. Heat wave and John Candy. Spot the Fake Construction Term. Protractors in Pittsburgh. Dead for 8 years, no one notices. High school hypnotism mystery. Urine recycling and the Skin Top. Science Zone: iPhones in Space. Banana attacks gorilla. Woman dies from sex with dog. Breast milk attack, explained. Prisoners with porn. Pregnant woman, thunderstruck.

Wherein those damn Ross kids talk about birthday cake, magic, and virginity. Suggested Talking Points: Elephants. A great day to be a duck with an affected accent. Worst Day Ever: Dickshots. Bluetooth Earpieces: A Black Conspiracy? Illinois Prison, Dirty Drawers. Dad brings gun to birthday party. Quiz: Spot the Fake Celebrity Kid Name. There’s No Magic In This Book: How to Deal With Shit. The Half Donut Dilemma. “Dam It, Dummy”. The Body in the Pool. Squeezable Drink Hour. Overboard with my katana. Bad mom abandons kids, saved world. Breast milk attack. New Zealand Man Stops a Christine Situation, Kills Car. Notable Quotables: Michelle Bachmann. My kingdom for a horse, my virginity for an iPhone. Get paid, get dead. Living on a Prayer, Eli Cherry. Neil Young and Hyfy.