Those Damn Ross Kids

Kris and Kole talk about national tragedy, genetic diversity, and dimensions. SUGGESTED TALKING POINTS: I pitch over windmills. We did it. Emergency Donut Services. Accidental Incest. Honeymoons Over My Hammy. Give this baby a gun. The Nest. Boob Maintenance. Size queens. I'm not a child molester, I'm a racist. Hangovers are expensive. Coke ended the world.

Kris and Kole talk about birds, bird pictures, and sending bird pictures. SUGGESTED TALKING POINTS: Sending bird pictures to Kris. Heroin is a problem. Executive ear popping service. Previous Nectar Gun. The sound of your voice. All the planet's libraries. Hovercart. Give me my son's finger back. Double Texting. Don't drink and walk. Rent out a prison. Memory sticks are never good.

Kris and Kole talk about food, mostly. SUGGESTED TALKING POINTS: Wrecked on absinthe. Running out of gas. Song for the end of the world. A wreck. Shandy. Sexmurderer for hire. The skate park paradox. Kris's shameful admission. The benefits of olive oil. The secret of the towels. Whisper Eating. Looking is extra.

Kris and Kole talk about the geology of pornography, ethnic grocers, and odds. SUGGESTED TALKING POINTS: Foam Factory. Setting the hook. Porn map. Designer colostomy bags. The Ice Cream Bandit. Asian grocer story and five pounds of rice. Man shoots self, blames ninjas. Don't make a bracket.

Kris and Kole talk about religious conspiracies, political affiliation, and personal doomsdays. SUGGESTED TALKING POINTS: Kole is out of his element. Parker Lewis Quits Booze. The child actor Christian conspiracy. Off to a bad start with an Indiana high school teacher. I'm sorry, America. A Field of Their Own. Dead dialects. Personal doomsdays. Mouse telepathy. Re-tooling the census. The Blow Pop story.

Kris and Kole talk about air travel, religion, and making your mark. Suggested Talking Points: Maynard G. Krebs. Your bad day? MY bad day! Wacky air travel stories. The Pope's Golden Years. Drink from this billboard. An exceptional latitude. Six degrees of Kevin Bacon committing incest. Make your mark. What's your egg horoscope?

Kris and Kole talk about fundraisers, traumatic middleschool memories, and spontaneous combustion. Suggested Talking Points: The decision to shave your soul patch. Burger Gulag. Lottery winning meth explosion. A moment about the money room. Praise God, win sports. Who pooped the gym? The shit crayon. Cohabitation prohibition. The world's ugliest woman, laid to rest. Spontaneous combustion might not be a myth. All you could ever know about dowsing. Las Chagas.

Kris and Kole talk about being out of touch, gender politics, and classic art. Suggested Talking Points: Effort? Eating chips wrong. Missing out on Rubio. Melon baller. Out of touch. Dildo sharpener. 3D Printers: Real? I'm not man enough to be a woman. Our fatwa against Steven Tyler continues. Quantum physics is weird. Literally and figuratively emasculated. Put some drawers on the masterpiece. A big box of dicks. Dinner and a "Why!?"

Kris and Kole talk about paradoxes, grooming, and animal control. SUGGESTED TALKING POINTS: Kris is sick. Chancre. The nug paradox. Regarding meteors. Sodastream protips. Waiting for the third seven. Let it bee. Pube Island. Straight people have different rules. 2 gallons of pop. Hooked on coffee, but not like you'd think. Chubby Checker and the Herculean segue. Shock'n Y'all. A rabbit epidemic.

Kris and Kole talk about policy, compromise, and attention spans. Suggested Talking Points: Party groping. The Ferris Bueller Theory. Five Guys, alone. You should be ashamed of being sick. Good luck getting Clarence Thomas to speak. No-murder week. Be sad, get pizza. Oprah's foreskin controversy. Cataclysmic cosmic events. Ancient scotch. Toilet paper lotto. Media and attention spans.

Kris and Kole talk about tragedies, mistakes, and snowmen. Suggested Talking Points: Installed anxiety. Ghost poops and your window to the world. SOUND WORLD. Making fun of a couple hundred people dying. Lock-ins. Death by eggs. Community for ladies in a school. Back off my snowman. A lot about Bob Newhart. You're a Bad Man, Charlie Brown. Fighting over a dollar. Over the limit, that's just fine. American Idol: Racist?

Kris and Kole talk about cinema, fantasies, and catharsis. SUGGESTED TALKING POINTS: Hot air. No podcasts in LA. Wrong names for shows. Cagney and Spacey. Combuxtable Huxtable. Kole is shockingly underprepared. Pubic facts. Horse burgers. Magic McConnaughey. Robertson's Soul Saving QVC Sex. Rage Room. Wrinkly fingers. iPotty. Ladies of Manure.

Kris and Kole talk about nomenclature, motivational speakers, and disappointment. SUGGESTED TALKING POINTS: Patty Melt. The Etymology of Frosh. I'm Dan Davis, Captain of the Football Team! The Lieutenant Dan Band. Modern art weapons. One Pound Fish. Throw your bad thoughts away. Men Gone Mad. Easy Bake Ovens for boys, and Crazy Dames. Paris Syndrome. Chocolate mind robot. Attempted motorboat murder.

Kris and Kole talk about relationship advice, atrocities, and our hundredth episode. SUGGESTED TALKING POINTS: Melancholy. Episode 100, sometimes funny. Strictly Platonic Butt Stuff. Healthy neuroticism. The world needs psychopaths. Vintage atrocities. Cathartic gun firing. Will Smith's crimes. Jonathan Lee Riches and Newtown. The poop sock and sharking. PotentialPrositutes.com. Almighty God and the Mayan apocalypse. Houdini himself couldn't do that.

Kris and Kole talk about hydration, the void, and eugenics. SUGGESTED TALKING POINTS: Dan Rather and the News Squad. Delicious water. The construction of a Kris Ross joke. Wherein Kris doesn't know what crumping is. Wurther's Original, defined. Your journal prompt: What's your suicide note? The Chinese strike weird. Assault and battery with a penis. Sentenced to church. Eugenics? Praying away the gay?

Kris and Kole talk about misunderstood films, synchronicity, and neuroses. SUGGESTED TALKING POINTS: Audible. George Clooney is Leatherface. Titanium Geraniums. The vodka gummy bear tradition. A wool butt pad. Women's prisons, in sync. You can do the Blindside, too. Bedbugs in your spine. Homer's fire hazard. No longer an X-Man. Relaxation Anxiety. Profound misconceptions about fish biology.

Kris and Kole talk about childhood theft, film, and how to protect against fraud. LINKS OF NOTE: Kole's Lonely Christmas, continued. The Chipotle Conspiracy. A struggle to comprehend. Chemo doll. This is my padlock flail and I'm going home. Octopussy. The cat lady. Exploding head syndrome (Part 2). Twelve days of expensive. How to tell if your online girlfriend is a scam. TDRK Digest.

Kris and Kole talk about celebrities, tech news, and self esteem. SUGGESTED TALKING POINTS: Brad Pitt and Mike Tyson are eskimo brothers. Dolly Parton doesn't look like Dolly Parton. TECH NEWS CORNER: iTunes 11? Zooey Deschanel died in the crossfire. Topless nuns with holy sperm. Mundane theft and the panty heist. Porn stars have high self esteem. I free-based Claudia. Adam Levine on Honey Boo Boo. Grannypod.

Kris and Kole talk about loneliness, the coming holiday onslaught, and body image. SUGGESTED TALKING POINTS: Sound check and the traveling podman. Home for the holidays, Kole's lonely Christmas. Is dolphin killing a national pastime? Illegal dentistry and butt kissing. Holiday overeating sex tips. The samurai sword is the signature weapon of the crazy person. Cameron Diaz: "Women want to be objectified". Little brothers kill older brothers. Robert Loggia does The Aristocrats. The Good Giraffe. Black Friday Report. Passing the kid in the car by. I'm not in pain. MRI Dreamscapes and overdose stories. Mirror Exposure Manor. This is your brain on Christmas music. Let's mutilate our feet. The Porn-Prison Industrial Complex. Solid gold Visa.

Kris and Kole talk about alternate lives, independence, and our spiral into stupidity as a species. SUGGESTED TALKING POINTS: Lee Marvin's Lake House. Senator Rogue Orc. Succeed to secede. I'll take this car and your job. Twitter Beef. Rejecting the Christmas Creep. We're getting dumber. Pepsi Special. Because, hey, free mannequin. Self control. The plan of attack.