Dear Men

How do you know if you're being creepy? For many of our clients, the fear of making a woman uncomfortable -- or being seen as creepy -- can be debilitating or even paralyzing. These men are often concerned that they're "bad" just for wanting sex (hint: You're not. You're just human.).If you've ever been afraid of being perceived as creepy or a pervert, you're not alone -- even men in relationships have this fear. Much of it stems from early childhood experiences, including religious trauma. And fortunately there's a lot you can do about this.Here, we go into what it actually means to be creepy (including my own personal share of a bad experience I had with a man, vs. ones where I've felt safe and comfortable), as well as how you can start to own your own sexuality in a more healthy and straightforward way.Whether you're single, dating, or in a long-term committed relationship like a marriage, there's something here for you. Sex, self-acceptance, shame, and love

Ever found yourself resentful of a relationship partner? Maybe you feel like you're always giving and never getting much in return. Perhaps you've seen her as selfish, not providing you with the respect, love, attention, or sex you need in order to feel connected.Everyone has heard, "You can't love someone else until you love yourself," but what does loving yourself actually mean? Hint: It's not just taking bubble baths or treating yourself to fancy pastries.Self-love is the bedrock of relationship, and it's deeply related to resentment, fulfillment, and -- perhaps unexpectedly -- parenting. It's also linked to healthy sex, dynamic dating, and honest relationships.Whether you're currently in a romantic relationship, want to be in a relationship, or are somewhere in between, this is a critical skill to build. There are 3 myths about self-love. Can you guess what they are?Memorable quotes from this episode:"Oh my God, I don’t even love myself, and this could be driving so

Let's be real: For many men, it's often hard to figure out women. Moods change quickly, and often you know something is going on but you're not sure what (or how to find out). It's also hard when you feel like nothing you do is ever enough for her.Here we talk about feminine testing, and what it means to play with it by tussling. When she pushes your boundaries or overreacts to something seemingly small, what's really going on? Why does she seem to pick fights sometimes, but other times melt in your arms? And more importantly, how do you handle this in a way that actually builds connection for both of you?Hint: If you don't want negative emotional tension in your relationship, you need to get skilled at positive emotional tension.Whether you're dating, in a long-term relationship like a marriage, or anywhere in between, positive emotional tension helps with everything from connection to sex to a really hot date night.We also outline the difference between tussling — healthy, positi

If you want a woman to fully surrender to you, you've got to inspire deep trust in her. This includes sexually -- a woman who deeply trusts her man is infinitely more likely to open up when it comes to sex.And most men want to be trusted. They want to be satisfying to their partner sexually, emotionally, and physically. They want their partner to feel safe with them. Trust is the basis of safety, upon which relationship thrives, but it's not always easy to grasp what it means to be trustable.So here we talk about it! Four of us women reveal what it takes for a man to be deeply trustable to us. We share personal stories of times we didn't trust a man (and why), as well as times we felt deep trust and connection. There are a lot of commonalities amongst our stories.In a world where so many women feel unsafe with so many men, being a trustable man and partner is one of the ways you can stand out. Whether you're dating, married, or starting out in a new relationship, there are quality lessons here

Shadow work is popular in the personal growth community, and for good reason — it can be deeply transformational. Many people report deeper and more lasting shifts with shadow work than with years of talk therapy.But what’s talked about less often is how sexy shadow work can make you. As a woman who has sex with men, I can attest to this — a man who does real shadow work is hot. Period.Here, Jason and I join forces with Luke Adler, doctor of Chinese medicine, healer, and men’s coach, to talk all things shadow work, sex, relationships, masculine identity, and the freedom that comes from doing deep work with trustable people.Dear Men listeners get 10% off registration using the coupon codes in the link below.Memorable quotes from this episode:"Actual table flip!“Mentioned on this episode:melaniecurtin.com/shadow

In our work with men who have sex with women, we've noticed a few distinct categories. There are three specific archetypes of men we see most commonly, and here we outline their patterns.We do this in part because I want to reveal the deep yearning on the part of a lot of women who relate with men romantically. While the themes discussed in this episode are relayed in the frame of men who relate with women romantically, and vice versa (many of whom identify as heterosexual/straight), I believe there's a universal human longing at play.Here we talk about the three types of men, their differences, their paths, and the category that a lot of women crave from the depths of their being.Evolutionary Men RetreatWant to go deeper than the podcast? Join us LIVE for our yearly, in-person retreat. This sold out last year and as of this episode dropping, we've still got 3 slots left.Labor Day weekend, Aug 31st - Sept 4th, 2023. Northern California. To sign up or learn more, go here.Work with usIf you're c

Want a woman to feel deeply, profoundly, extraordinarily safe with you? Able to surrender fully, relaxing all the way into your arms, allowing her body to open to you in ways you never knew were possible?Then you need to know about this.Whether you're dating or in a long-term committed relationship, there's an underlying fear that, according to Violet, who has worked with hundreds of women and heard from thousands, 99% of women have.It's a fear you may share. And if it's not addressed, it can block intimacy, whether that's in sex or other relationship dynamics. The good news? You can learn to address it skillfully -- and this can profoundly shift a dynamic within a relationship. If you've been looking for the best relationship advice ever, it might just be this. ;)Memorable quotes from this episode:"I’m not going to be THAT girl.""I don't care what my fling thinks, but I don't want my partner to think I'm a trashy whore.""I’m too needy, bossy, driven. I’

How did you learn to be a man? From whom did you learn, and what did they impart? More importantly, if this isn't how you want to be now, how you grow beyond what you learned?We learn how to be who we are from our parents and other caregivers. If you grew up with men who were absent, alcoholics, abusive, or just not emotionally attuned, then there are gaps in your knowledge. Here we talk about how to fill those in -- and how to replace bad role models with good ones.A few things we cover in this episode:Passive dad/absent dad vs. volatile dadWhat do to do if you don't want to be "that guy" -- the angry guy, the shut-down guy, the guy who makes women uncomfortableGrowing up with women who badmouthed men ("Don't be like your father")The power of men's work---Not mentioned on this episode but still wanted to mention it here -- there's a YouTube channel called, "Dad, how do I?" and it's great. It's by a man who didn't grow up with a good dad, and it's al

Do you know you have trauma stuck in your body, but you're not sure how to move it? Perhaps you're aware that your issues are in your tissues, but you don't know what to do about it.If anyone knows what it's like to feel stuck around sex, dating, and relationships, it's Jason. He was a late bloomer, self-proclaimed Nice Guy, and didn't feel successful with women for a long time -- didn't even have sex for the first time until his late 20s.Plus, even outside of relationships, for most of his life he felt like something was ... missing. Like his life was just sort of happening to him. He wanted something else, something more, but didn't know how to get there.Then he went to a live workshop where a men's work mentor rocked his world. In just twenty minutes of in-depth work, he got to a place that 3 full years of talk therapy hadn't touched.It was transformational.If you've ever felt stuck or numb as a man, you're not alone. And you can break out of it. Sometimes it

If you want a thriving, connected sex life with your partner, but feel like something's in the way ... it could be sexual trauma.The fact is, 1 in 3 girls and 1 in 6 boys are survivors of child sexual abuse. To put that in perspective, that's 42 million women and 21 million men in the US alone.The bad news? We don't talk about this nearly enough, so it can feel overwhelming and scary to address. The good news? It is addressable, and no matter who you are or what happened, you can have a beautiful, connected, and deeply fulfilling sex life. It just takes some work to get there.Here we talk about how you, as a man who has sex with women, can identify the signs that a partner may have a sexual trauma backgroundIf you've ever been with a partner who seems to check out during sex (disassociates), tends to avoid sex altogether, or has certain triggers (like certain lighting or movements on your part that cause her to tense up), it could be this.We also talk about how to bring it up and talk about it

Was your family skilled at teaching you about sex? Was your school, or your religious community?HA.I'm guessing not.Many families of origin suck at talking about sex, dating, and relationships. And whether you grew up in a religious house or not, sex education tends to also be subpar, especially when it comes to teaching about sexual communication.How do you ask a partner for what you really want? How do you tell someone they're missing the mark when it comes to something sexual (like oral sex, or something about intercourse).On this episode we talk about all that, as well as how the #MeToo movement has impacted all of us. And we touch on how to overcome sexual shame. A particularly memorable quote from that section:“I turned my shame into vulnerability.”Finally, we touch on porn in this episode, and the other podcast episode I reference is:DM 112: How this man overcame porn addiction(If you've felt a little iffy about your relationship with pornography, give that one a listen, as well. You may fi

Has your woman ever been in her masculine, and you wished she was in her feminine? Here's something that doesn't work: "Hey, could you drop into your feminine already?" ;)So how do you polarize your woman well? Polarity is one of those mysteries in life like electricity: We don't fully grasp why it works, but we can harness its power to make our lives better.I love polarity work because it can make a concrete difference in sex, love, dating, and relationships. I've seen countless clients ditch old dating advice, learn about this, and then say, "Wow, this polarity thing really works on a date." Or, "Man, I wish I'd known about polarity sooner ... my marriage might have gone differently."The fact is, no one teaches us about dating and sexuality and HOW to connect well. Most men don't learn how to flirt with girls, how to polarize a partner, or even what polarity is. Yet it's a fundamental relationship dynamic that can help with everything.Here we lay out five

Ever have trouble concentrating, or beat yourself up for not getting more done? Do you give yourself a hard time for watching porn & masturbating? Wonder why you just can't kick that habit you know is unhealthy (smoking weed, playing video games, drinking alcohol, etc.)?All of this is related to loneliness. Whether you live alone and work from home, are single and dating and longing for relationship, are divorced and missing what you used to have, or are in a relationship but often feel distant from your wife/partner ... life can be lonely.And according to the US Surgeon General, "Our epidemic of loneliness and isolation has been an underappreciated public health crisis that has harmed individual and societal health."We tend to think of feeling lonely as not that big a deal, but that couldn't be further from the truth. According to Psychology Today, "[c]lose relationships with other people have more of an impact on our physical health and longevity than even our genes do."The other

"I just can't make up my mind. Sometimes I feel like I'm settling, and that makes me sad. Sometimes I feel blessed to have someone as amazing as this woman who wants to be with me.The question I have is, if I'm having doubts or feelings that I might be settling, does that mean she's not The One? Or is it normal to have these feelings sometimes?"If you've ever wondered whether you're in the right relationship or should seek something better, you're not alone! Dating is, in part, about figuring out whether you're with the right partner. But no one teaches us how to know whether it's right, especially if you sometimes have doubts.Short story? Doubts don't mean everything, and they don't mean nothing. ;) Here, we delve into the fundamentals of "relationship ambivalence," anxious/avoidant attachment and how it relates to this, how porn can affect how you feel about your relationship, and what to truly look for when determining whether partner is the right

A lot of the men we work with don't want to be That Guy. The guy who's creepy or pervy or weird. The guy who makes women feel unsafe, whether on a date or in a relationship.But how do you figure out how to get consent while still maintaining your masculine core? Is it uncool to ask for permission to kiss her? (Spoiler alert: No.) And how does consent work on a porn set? Porn stars still need to navigate the world of what's going to feel good for someone and what's not, and as it turns out, a lot of the process actually goes on off-camera!Here, we delve into the wild and wondrous world of consent, as outlined by top adult film actress, author, and consent advocate Tasha Reign. If you've ever wanted to know what the differences are between porn sex and real-life sex, give this a listen!Ready to go beyond the podcast?We love working with men who are ready to do the work! If you're committed to breaking old patterns and transforming your sex & love life in a real and lasting way, take

All of the men we work with, whether married, dating, or single, want women to feel safe with them. It's important to them that women trust them -- that women feel secure around them (even if that's "just" on a dating app).And women don't tend to feel deeply safe unless they feel claimed. In one woman's words: “When a man doesn’t claim me, I feel anxious and stressed and find myself not wanting to be vulnerable."Another said, "When a man doesn't claim me it feels confusing... like, 'Huh?' I'm like, 'Wtf is happening?' I feel anxious and unsettled, and I don't want to open up and be vulnerable. I feel wary and the need to be hypervigilant."Claiming doesn't mean dominating. It's not about overpowering. Here, we go into depth around what claiming is and isn't, and how you can do it well. The good news? When you know how to claim well, your dating and sex life will improve. Your current relationship will get hotter and smoother.If you'

Relate to any of the following dating and relationship questions?In dating, I tend to get attached/excited about someone fast, and then really disappointed when it doesn’t work out. How do I lessen the intensity of this? (This includes if you've just been messaging with someone on a dating app like Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, OKCupid, etc. and you thought it'd go somewhere but then it didn't)I brought something to a woman that I thought she'd appreciate, and she didn’t respond. Did I do something wrong?Should I wait to get into a relationship in order to work on my stuff? (Similar to, "How do I know when I'm ready to get into a relationship/start dating again?")How do I ‘not take the bait,’ as in get reactive, when someone is baiting me (like my girlfriend or wife)?Here, I answer all of these questions, which includes exploring what to do when you feel let down around something in sex, dating or relationships; how to know when it's time to work on yourself and not date (take a break

If you've ever been concerned about erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation and looked at male-bodied porn stars with envy, here's a fun fact: Close to 100% of male-bodied porn stars use Viagra/Cialis/other sexual performance enhancement drugs in order to perform on set.That's not the only thing that might surprise you about sex, love, dating, and the behind-the-scenes truth about pornography. Here, porn director Holly Randall outlines some of the differences between the sex shown in porn versus real sex, and we also get into what the sex lives of porn stars are really like.Other topics include how to relax about penis size (this part is very interesting), things you might not have known about anal sex, and more.Ready to go beyond the podcast?We love to work with men who are ready to do the work! If something isn't working in your sex or love life and you want to break old patterns and transform in a real and lasting way, we can help.Take action here. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

When a woman is going through a tough time (especially for an extended period of time), it can be easy to fall into a codependent dynamic. When she relies heavily on you to help her feel better, this can be taxing on your nervous system. And nobody wants codependence!How do you stay steady when things like financial stress, fertility issues, job concerns, or hard family dynamics cause a wife, girlfriend, or other woman partner to turn to you more than ever?Here we talk about what it means to be emotionally regulated vs/ dysregulated, and concrete ways to feel better and manage stress in a healthy, generative fashion. We outline how a woman (or any dysregulated partner) can soothe herself, as well as strategies you can use to support her through a difficult time.If you've ever felt unsure about how to soothe a woman partner or challenged by feeling the need to hold space repeatedly for something neither she nor you have control over (i.e. her getting laid off, or interacting with a frustrating/difficult re

Oral sex can be super hot. In fact, some people consider it even more intimate than intercourse.As one writer put it, "Sexual intercourse is mostly selfish. Sure, you want the other person to get off, but your own orgasm is your first priority. But giving head is, at the core, a selfless act."Speaking of orgasm, 70%+ of women who have sex with men don't tend to cum through intercourse ... but many can if you go down on them! Yep, going down on her can be super important in some cases, since it can be a reliable way to help your woman partner to get off.Whether you're dating women or you're in a long-term relationship like a marriage, oral can be a delightful part of your sexual repertoire. But how do you navigate it and make sure it's good for all involved? What, for example, do you do if a woman is actually uncomfortable receiving oral sex (and if that woman is your wife)?Here, we delve into all that and more -- the good, the bad the ugly -- of going downtown.---Mentioned on this epis